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Thread ID: 123236	2012-02-12 22:14:00	Monday Laughs.......Warning, some content may offend! If I get it right.............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1258838	2012-02-12 22:14:00	. . . A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home. I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Oysters. Lobster. Champagne . The whole nine yards I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?" "No," she replied, "but my mother's not expecting a root tonight." I said, "Would you care for dessert? ********************************* Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realising our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice-cream man hadn't come along." You will never hear church bells ringing, or a Mr Whippy van again without smiling. ********************************* When I was a boy my mother could send me to our local corner store with five shillings in my hand and I'd come back with a bag of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, a pound of cheese, half a pound of bacon, two quarts of milk, a box of Choysa tea and a dozen eggs. You can't do that now! Too many damned security mirrors and video cameras. ********************************* Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction. Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When done, you'll have a place to live! Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible... Is that true? Where is it? A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt ..." Q: How can I increase the heart rate of my over-60 year-old partner? A: Tell him you're pregnant. Q: How can I avoid that terrible curse of unsightly wrinkles? A: Take off your glasses. Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face? A: Go bra-less. It will pull them out and fix your neck too, no problems. Q: Why should 60-plus people use valet parking? A: Valets don't forget where they park your car. Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem. Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly? A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon. Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses? A: On their foreheads. Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? A: "Gosh, I remember all these!" SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT? ********************************* I was standing in a bar and this little oriental-looking guy comes in and stands right next to me. He stands there for a while so I said to him, “Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?” He says “No, why you asking me dat, is it cos I asian”? “No,” I say, "It’s because you’re drinking my beer!" ******************************** The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff." "Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked. I said: "Well, I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other ****** using my stuff." She looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another ******?" ******************************** A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them. The cow said, "I give 25 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!" The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something............. Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1258839	2012-02-12 22:19:00	haha you got me there...good ones billy Thanks	Gobe1 (6290)
1258840	2012-02-12 22:28:00	:thanks	WalOne (4202)
1258841	2012-02-12 22:30:00	I'm not saying anything. I'm not quite there yet... :p	bob_doe_nz (92)
1258842	2012-02-12 23:24:00	:thanks:thanks	gary67 (56)
1258843	2012-02-12 23:53:00	I told a gorgeous woman that I could tell what day she was born, just by feeling her breasts.... She said "OK, prove it" After a few minutes, she asked "Well, what day was I born?" I replied "Yesterday.....???"	johcar (6283)
1258844	2012-02-13 01:18:00	I'm not saying anything. I'm not quite there yet... :p Still reading the dots are you? Or just counting the periods............... Cheers Billy 8-{) :devil	Billy T (70)
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