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Thread ID: 123351	2012-02-19 23:43:00	Monday Laughs......Politics, Fishing,and more politics, plus an announcement.........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1260140	2012-02-19 23:43:00	. . . Politics The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in political speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow Why pay money to have your family tree traced? Go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~Unknown Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton Politics is the art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer I offer my opponents a bargain: If they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952 I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~Ronald Reagan Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on Senators. ~Will Rogers ******************************* At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding smoothly on the current when they came upon a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, 'Do you want to go up or down?' All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat! When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years. They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork. He again asked the lady , 'Up or down ?' There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day. She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down ?' The woman replied, 'Down.' A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady,’ Up or down ?' She replied, 'Up.' This really confused the gentleman so he asked, 'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me, but now today, nothing!' She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fk or drown. ******************************* Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, clean or dirty, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on; it doesn't matter to me. I just love it!" Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding, I'm in the National Party too! What branch are you from?" ***************************** A man goes into Whitcoulls and says to the young lady assistant: "Do you have that new book out for men with short penises? I can't remember the title. She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." The man said, "that's the one, I'd like to buy a copy please." ******************************* And just so you don't get the idea that Monday laughs is just a lightweight bit of casual flim-flam, here is some serious international financial analysis The European Financial Bail-Out Explained It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the Taverna. The publican slips the money along to the local lady of the night drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen (and yous PF1 members too), is how the European bailout package works. Cheers Billy 8-{) :) :cool: Special Note: Mrs T and I will be in Oz when next Monday comes around, so to avoid multiple threads being started, the first person to PM me gets to open Monday Laughs next week, after which it is open slather, but keep it seemly folks.	Billy T (70)
1260141	2012-02-20 00:03:00	Top bunch Billy Thanks	gary67 (56)
1260142	2012-02-20 00:24:00	Funny, I wish it worked that way for real. Of course if you have a group of people who all owe each other 100 there is no actual debt and no need for the borrowed note. It's just a more complicated version of 2 people each owing the other 100.	dugimodo (138)
1260143	2012-02-20 00:25:00	Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton sadly. The Government plans to open ACC's work account to competition from private insurers from October. ACC Futures Coalition spokeswoman Hazel Armstrong said today papers obtained under the Official Information Act showed former ACC minister Nick Smith was looking at making the corporation charge a ''top up'' on its premiums so private insurers could compete on a level playing field. Someone needs a punch to the face, and they need to be removed from office.	Metla (12)
1260144	2012-02-20 00:41:00	Someone needs a punch to the face, and they need to be removed from office. Yes, couldn't have ACC being cheaper, could we, people might want to stay with them and they would screw there privatisation..	pctek (84)
1260145	2012-02-20 00:42:00	. The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in political speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow Why pay money to have your family tree traced? Go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~Unknown Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton Politics is the art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer I offer my opponents a bargain: If they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952 I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~Ronald Reagan Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on Senators. ~Will Rogers Hey I thought this was supposed to be the joke thread, not the facts thread.	pctek (84)
1260146	2012-02-20 01:13:00	a few good laughs. Thanks.	Bobh (5192)
1260147	2012-02-20 01:15:00	Awesome stuff Billy and co	Gobe1 (6290)
1260148	2012-02-20 02:52:00	sadly. Someone needs a punch to the face, and they need to be removed from office. Yep ... and have him sitting back collecting ACC @ 80% of his inflated salary ... better off just shooting him ... :D	SP8's (9836)
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