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Thread ID: 123576	2012-03-04 22:25:00	Monday Laughs....................Scraping the barrel this morning.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1263022	2012-03-04 22:25:00	. . . A major earthquake with the strength of 9.1 on the Richter scale hit a Middle Eastern country. Two million Muslims died and many were injured, their infrastructure is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock and rushing to send much needed aid. The USA is sending troops to help with the clean-up and to maintain security over damaged properties. Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Latin American countries are sending massive shipments of demolition and construction machinery. New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle, and food crops. The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding infrastructure. Canada is sending medical supplies and surgical/nursing teams. Australia, not to be outdone, is sending as many replacement Muslims as it can muster. ********************************* Allegedly true golf story, but a good 'un regardless......... One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, professional golfer and married man Lee Trevino was at his home in Dallas, Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did. A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and said, "Excuse me, do you speak English?" Lee responded, "Yes M'aam, I do." The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work?" Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her." The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off. ********************************* Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.). Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally, long-suffering seniors have their own texting codes! Texting for Seniors as follows: ATD - At the Doctor's BFF - Best Friend's Funeral BTW - Bring the Wheelchair BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth CBM - Covered by Medicare CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center DWI - Driving While Incontinent FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers FWIW - Forgot Where I Was FYI - Found Your Insulin GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low GHA - Got Heartburn Again GKCTS - Grand-kids Coming to Stay IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On? LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out LOL - Living on Lipitor LWO - Lawrence Welk's On OMMR - On My Massage Recliner ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up! TOT - Texting on Toilet TTYL - Talk to You Louder WAITT - Who Am I Talking To? WTP - Where are the Prunes WCBF - Wheel Chair Battery Flat WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil Hope these help! GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In! ********************************* This probably only makes sense to men......Going shopping for your wife? You must follow instructions precisely as given!! A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six. A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why on earth did you buy six cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs". This is a story which is perfectly logical to me ..................... ********************************* I've been reading Stephen Hawking while in Oz, so while I'm still focussed on matters of Logic, here's some abstract intellectual humour......... Heisenberg & Schrodinger: Heisenberg is speeding down the Freeway with Schrodinger in the passenger's seat when he is pulled over by a traffic patrolman. The patrolman comes to the window and says, “do you have any idea how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replied, “no, but I can tell you exactly where I was.” Hearing this strange reply the cop decides to conduct a search of the car. After opening the trunk of the car he immediately returns to the front window where he startlingly asks, “did you know there’s a dead cat in your trunk?!” Schrodinger then looks at him and says, “well thanks, now I do.” Werner Karl Heisenberg (5 December 1901 – 1 February 1976) was a German theoretical physicist whose discovery of the Uncertainty Principle made foundational contributions to quantum mechanics.Schrödinger's cat is a paradox, devised by Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935. The scenario presents a cat that might be alive or dead, depending on an earlier random event. ********************************* Finally, it is probably safe to run this one now: The recent plight of the Costa Concordia reminds me of a comment made by Sir Winston Churchill when, after his retirement, he was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian cruise liner. Some Italian journalists asked why a British ex Prime Minister should choose an Italian ship, to which Churchill replied:. “There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship” “First their cuisine is unsurpassed." "Second their service is superb." "And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about women and children first”. Cheers Billy 8-{) :) Thanks again to WalOne for standing in while I was away. We'll be back in Oz later in the year for our daughter's Masters graduation so I think I know who will be standing in next time! Great job done :clap and I'm scraping the barrel to try and catch up! :thanks	Billy T (70)
1263023	2012-03-04 22:31:00	yep the shopping one makes perfect sense to me too and if you have a teenage boy it makes even more sense	gary67 (56)
1263024	2012-03-04 22:34:00	Thanks Billy. I have heard of the Heisenberg & Schrodinger cat thingy somewhere....And the last one was brilliant (also there is a good doco on national geographic channel on sky a the moment about the concordia from the passengers perspective, a good watch) Good to see you are back and Wal filled your shoes well ;)	Gobe1 (6290)
1263025	2012-03-04 23:14:00	:thanks	WalOne (4202)
1263026	2012-03-04 23:17:00	Best ones in ages, I like the physics joke. A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me..................... My husband would come back with a chicken.	pctek (84)
1263027	2012-03-05 00:33:00	Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!" Ken	kenj (9738)
1263028	2012-03-05 01:16:00	A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house … owners name is SJ I believe :rolleyes: ... 'Talking Dog For Sale '... He rings the door bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.? The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 'You talk ?' he asks. 'Yep,' the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story? The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.? In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. 'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running... But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a?mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.' The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. 'Ten dollars,' the guy says. 'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?' 'Because he's a Bullshitter. He's never been out of the back garden'.	SP8's (9836)
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