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| Thread ID: 124044 | 2012-04-02 10:40:00 | Monday Laughs..........The late, but not lamented edition.............. | Billy T (70) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 1268036 | 2012-04-02 10:40:00 | . . . Last month the UN conducted a world-wide survey. The only question asked was:- "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the world food shortage?" The survey was a huge failure because: 1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what 'honest' meant. 2. In Western Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant. 3. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant. 4. In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant. 5. In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant. 6 In South Africa they didn't know what 'please' meant. 7. In the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant. 8. In Australia they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent. 9. In New Zealand everybody was too busy watching the Political Circus to bother taking the call............... ********************************* A Somalian refugee arrives in New Zealand as a new immigrant. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says........... 'Thank you Mr.Kiwi for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!' The passer by says, 'You are mistaken, I am Tongan!' The man goes on and encounters another passer by. 'Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in New Zealand!' The person says, 'I not a Kiwi, I Iraqi!' The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful New Zealand!' That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Pakistan, I not a Kiwi!' He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you a New Zealander?' She says, 'No, I am from Samoa!' Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Kiwi's?' The Samoan lady checks her watch, shrugs and says ...........'Probably at work' ********************************* A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the conveniences. Several minutes after that, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from that direction. A few minutes later another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the toilets to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells, "you are scaring the hell out of all my customers!" "I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts!" The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "you idiot!" "You're sitting on the mop bucket!" ********************************* A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I'm so sorry... I was just thinking of my own funeral...I'm a gynaecologist!' The priest fainted!...................... ********************************* I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it, so I said 'Implants?' She hit me. Cheers Billy 8-{) :) |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 1268037 | 2012-04-02 11:09:00 | Lolollollol. Good ones. | sahilcc7 (15483) | ||
| 1268038 | 2012-04-02 12:22:00 | Better late than never. Makes good bedtime reading. Good laughs and nice and short. :lol: | Bobh (5192) | ||
| 1268039 | 2012-04-02 21:06:00 | Thanks Billy | gary67 (56) | ||
| 1268040 | 2012-04-02 23:53:00 | Mop bucket...awesome stuff billy | Gobe1 (6290) | ||
| 1268041 | 2012-04-03 04:02:00 | That mop bucket one was gold. :lol: | wratterus (105) | ||
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