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Thread ID: 124042	2012-04-02 08:31:00	Monday Laughs (stand by emergency version)	WalOne (4202)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1268052	2012-04-02 08:31:00	I hope nothing untoward has happened to BillyT ! A few weeks back when he annointed me as Honorary Billy T for the week, he left me with these jokes. In the event, I didn't use them, but here they are: ******************** A new store that sells husbands opens in Dallas, TX.... A woman may go to choose a husband from among MANY men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: As you open the door to any floor you may choose a husband from that floor. But if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building--no revisiting of any lower floors. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love kids, and don't mind doing housework. The woman smiles to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, don't mind doing housework, and are extremely good looking. "Better!" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, don't mind doing housework, are extremely good looking and do all the cooking. "Wow," exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more, much more further up!" She heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, don't mind doing housework, are extremely good looking, do all the cooking, are red-hot in bed, like going shopping, don't scratch, fart or burp and love having their mother-in-law come to stay. "My God she says!..how close to perfection can you get?.. .. But just think.....what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - Welcome. You are visitor 133,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband-Mart, and have a nice day. ******************** This guy is 84 years old and he loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming, then he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.' He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, 'Are you talking to me?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you've ever seen. I'll make sure all your friends will be envious and jealous because I will be your bride!' The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket. The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said, kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.' The man opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.' Once you get to a certain age, the wisdom to make the right choice is automatic. ******************** You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back, however, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again. YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS ... The candidate who was hired had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply said: 'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital and I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.' Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.' HOWEVER...., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the bonnet of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers. God, I just love happy endings! ******************** Let's hope to hear from Billy T next week! (I have emailed him asking if he's OK as no-one knows).	WalOne (4202)
1268053	2012-04-02 23:49:00	Also Wal you forgot the Wife-mart... Floor 1 the women drink beer, and give regular sex. No man has been past the first floor	Gobe1 (6290)
1268054	2012-04-03 03:37:00	LOL :lol:	WalOne (4202)
1268055	2012-04-03 04:27:00	AAARRRRGGGHH...................... The curse of reliability and unnotified work demands that kept me from my Mondalian obligations (did you like that word? I just made it up so please spread it around and we'll see if it goes viral!). Thanks to Walone for filling the breach, I didn't see that until after I'd posted so you get double the laughs (donations gladly accepted). Useful uses for Mondalian: *-Got dem Ol' Mondalian Blues....... *-Sorry Boss, can't come to work today, I have a nasty dose of Mondalian fever. *- Thought I was on a promise the other night but got kissed off with the dreaded Mondalian handhake. *- Man that was some after-match party, got in so late the wife had set up a Mondlaina roadblock on the bedroom door. Contributions welcome............. Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1268056	2012-04-03 04:56:00	Kudos to you Billy as google only has this in the search.... Did you mean: mongolian dictionary, mandalorian dictionary, mondaine dictionary Mondalian FTW	Gobe1 (6290)
1268057	2012-04-03 05:02:00	Kudos to you Billy as google only has this in the search.... Did you mean: mongolian dictionary, mandalorian dictionary, mondaine dictionary Mondalian FTWInteresting - it turned up a lot more than that when I searched it (see attached).	Erayd (23)
1268058	2012-04-03 05:04:00	I have heard the one about the husband mart before. Still a good one though.	Bobh (5192)
1268059	2012-04-03 05:05:00	3689Geez what google are you using Erayd?? haha Sorry i googled mondalian then added dictionary	Gobe1 (6290)
1268060	2012-04-03 05:24:00	I like that it corrects it with Mandalorian!! :D	Chilling_Silence (9)
1268061	2012-04-03 08:07:00	AAARRRRGGGHH...................... Thanks to Walone for filling the breach, I didn't see that until after I'd posted so you get double the laughs (donations gladly accepted). Contributions welcome............. Cheers Billy 8-{) :) No probs, Billy T. Now, do I get a cut on the proceeds? :lol: :lol:	WalOne (4202)
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