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Thread ID: 124277	2012-04-16 03:28:00	Monday Laughs.........Something old, something new, something borrowed.........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1270307	2012-04-16 03:28:00	. . . A tribute to Frank Carson, master of the one (or two) liner. They are oldies but goodies.......... * The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. * Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." "Really," says Mick "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?" * I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...then I was petrified. * The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the Charity Shop to get all her clothes back. * A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time he wanted to. * I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. A s I was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin, three hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot..... * My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70! "Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web." * Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy. * I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. * I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move. * I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown." * On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?' ********************************* A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'but no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'they will in a minute.' ********************************* A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' One little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.' ********************************* One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something naughty and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, is that why ALL of grandma's hairs are white?' ********************************* The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.' ********************************* A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'cause your feet ain't empty.' Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1270308	2012-04-16 03:35:00	Feet aint empty! boom boom good ones Thanks Billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1270309	2012-04-16 05:14:00	I have heard the one about grandma's white hair. The little girl was quick in the uptake.	Bobh (5192)
1270310	2012-04-16 05:32:00	:cool::lol:	gary67 (56)
1270311	2012-04-16 07:45:00	Here is a funny story that I found on another web site One thing that has always bugged me, and I’m sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. This particular call happened to be from AT&T and it went something like this: Me: Hello AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T… Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T: This is AT&T. Me: OK, hold on. At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting. Me: Hello? AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron? Me: May I ask who is calling please? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T… Me: The phone company? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: I thought you said this was AT&T. AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company. Me: I already have a phone. AT&T: We aren’t selling phones today Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Me: Now, that’s 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, Sir, that’s right! 24 hours a day! Me: 7 days a week? AT&T: That’s right. Me: 365 days a year? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That’s amazing! AT&T: We think so! Me: That’s quite a sum of money! AT&T: Yes sir, it’s amazing how it adds up. Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance? AT&T: Excuse me? Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute. AT&T: What are you talking about? Me: You said you’d give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I’m just interested in knowing how you will be making payment. AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn’t mean we’d be paying you. You pay US 10 cents a minute. Me: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you’ll give me 10 cents a minute, that I’ll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I’ve read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. AT&T: No, Sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for… Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please! AT&T: Sir, I don’t think that is necessary. Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.	pctek (84)
1270312	2012-04-16 08:18:00	I like that ^ :D	R2x1 (4628)
1270313	2012-04-16 09:37:00	x2 ^^ :D:D	WalOne (4202)
1270314	2012-04-16 10:30:00	:D	GameJunkie (72)
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