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| Thread ID: 124149 | 2012-04-09 10:47:00 | Monday Laughs..........Just in time for Tuesday.....Bits 'n Pieces......... | Billy T (70) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 1269031 | 2012-04-09 10:47:00 | . . . Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen." Husband replies: "Pour some luke-warm water over it." Wife texts back: "Computer totally f*#ked now." ********************************* Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age? Old Lady: I am 94 years old. Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing couch on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defence Attorney: Did you know him? Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly. Defence Attorney: What happened after he sat down? Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh. Defence Attorney: Did you stop him? Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him. Defence Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago. Defence Attorney: What happened next? Old Lady: He began to rub all over my body. Defence Attorney: Did you stop him then? Old Lady: No, I did not stop him. Defence Attorney: Why not? Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years! Defence Attorney: hat happened next? Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so spicy' that I just laid down and told him: 'Take me, young man. Take me now!' Defence Attorney: Did he take you? Old Lady: Hell, no! He just laughed and yelled, 'April Fool!' .........and that's when I shot the little bastard Your Honour. ********************************* * Marriage changes passion: Suddenly you're in bed with a relative * Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. * How come those Yanks choose from just two people to run for President and over fifty for Miss America? * When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.' * I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! * Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. * Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN! ********************************* Wouldn't you know it.... Brain cells come and brain cells go.......... But FAT cells live forever. ********************************* US Conundrums: Why is it that their children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? A completely brilliant question!!!!!!! Why do they have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside? Another completely brilliant question!!!! ********************************* A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'then you ask him'. And remember folks: Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. You just might want to pass this along........ Cheers Billy 8-{) :) |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 1269032 | 2012-04-09 11:06:00 | Better late than never. Thanks Billy. | Bobh (5192) | ||
| 1269033 | 2012-04-09 12:13:00 | Haha, the 2nd one was great! | Agent_24 (57) | ||
| 1269034 | 2012-04-09 22:17:00 | Whatever day the working week starts on, what a way to start! Thanks Billy :) |
WalOne (4202) | ||
| 1269035 | 2012-04-09 22:21:00 | Some great ones here :D | goodiesguy (15316) | ||
| 1269036 | 2012-04-10 01:52:00 | "you might want to pass this along..." you mean the toilet paper? | The Error Guy (14052) | ||
| 1269037 | 2012-04-10 01:57:00 | brilliant. Thanks Billy | Gobe1 (6290) | ||
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