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Thread ID: 125495	2012-07-02 10:59:00	Monday Laughs..I'm making a habit of this ....soon I'll be known as the late Billy T	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1285444	2012-07-02 10:59:00	. . An assortment of delights: The World Is A Lunatic Asylum: In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.) ----oOo---- In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?) ----oOo---- Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick?) ----oOo---- The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than 'going blind!') ----oOo---- There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?) ----oOo---- In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!) ----oOo---- Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!) ----oOo---- In Cali, Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.) ----oOo---- In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?) ----oOo---- In Maryland , USA it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises' (Is the US a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam !) ----oOo---- Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Who volunteers for these tests?) ----oOo---- The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (Did our government pay for this research??) ----oOo---- Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez.) ----oOo---- An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) ----oOo---- Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that, too.) ----oOo---- And, the best for last? Turtles can breathe through their butts. (And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!) Thank you all for reading this selection, and for waiting so patiently for it to arrive. My plane from Guam was late getting into Auckland. Cheers Billy 8-{) :waughh: :devil	Billy T (70)
1285445	2012-07-02 12:13:00	Damn ... been searching seek for jobs in Guam ... none ... :crying But I did see this .... A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door and then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?!" she asked. "I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me" The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered sensually. "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner? He never heard the gunshot that killed him ... :D	SP8's (9836)
1285446	2012-07-02 23:07:00	Public Service Announcement (www.jetabroad.co.nz) :D	WalOne (4202)
1285447	2012-07-03 00:57:00	Ahhhhh finally, i knew something wasn't quite right. All good now thanks Billy :thumbs:	Gobe1 (6290)
1285448	2012-07-03 02:41:00	And following on with the lunacy theme... it reminded me of this: Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"	Agent_24 (57)
1285449	2012-07-03 21:06:00	From my inbox today: Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples: FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. Click here to join World Malayali Club PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons. Click here to join World Malayali Club TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated Click here to join World Malayali Club HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt. Click here to join World Malayali Club SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water. Click here to join World Malayali Club WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on. Click here to join World Malayali Club TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.. Click here to join World Malayali Club EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom. Click here to join World Malayali Club HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around. Click here to join World Malayali Club THE REMOTECONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would-be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying New Law: With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots, especially during evening hours, the Minneapolis City Council has established a 'Women Only' parking lot at the Mall of America. Even the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons. Below is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot in Minnesota .. 3968 So send this to all the women you care about....and to any men who appreciate a good laugh!	Gobe1 (6290)
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