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| Thread ID: 125622 | 2012-07-09 04:49:00 | Monday Laughs..... I had to go to work, but still a little earlier this week......... | Billy T (70) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 1287244 | 2012-07-09 04:49:00 | . . Tom had been in Police work for 25 years, and finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in the wilds of Westland, as far from humanity as possible. He sees the rural postman once a fortnight and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total solitude. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. 'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty mile up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night, startin' about 5:00...'Thought you might like to come. 'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks, thanks for the invite.' As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.' 'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'. Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.' 'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! I'll be there. Thanks again.' 'More'n likely be some wild sex, too,' 'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.. By the way, what should I wear?' 'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us. ********************************* The phone rings, and the wife answers. A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight one with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes, he's lying on the couch watching TV - who shall I say is calling?" ********************************* Cardiologist's Funeral A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I'm so sorry...... I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynaecologist!' The priest fainted!...................... ********************************* A NEW WORD Every so often a little gem of a word just seems to pop up out of nowhere. This one is just brilliant. it is a recently "coined" new word that gets really close to the bone! Now read this one over slowly and absorb the facts that totally are within this sentence! Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc'-ra-cy) - A system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers. I love this, finally there is a word to describe our current political situation, and the antics of our PM. ********************************* While we are on about the PM........... The NZ Medical Association has weighed in on the Prime Minister's proposed prescription fee increases. The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had a nasty a gut feeling about it, and the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just wouldn't hear of it . The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, and they decided to leave the entire decision up to the arseh0les in Wellington! Cheers Billy 8-{) :) |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 1287245 | 2012-07-09 09:31:00 | Billy, that last one is clever. Brilliant! :D |
WalOne (4202) | ||
| 1287246 | 2012-07-09 09:38:00 | :thumbs::D | gary67 (56) | ||
| 1287247 | 2012-07-09 10:03:00 | :D | Bobh (5192) | ||
| 1287248 | 2012-07-09 22:11:00 | Good ones Billy ... but I have to question whether we really need a new word to describe the PM (or MP's) when there are plenty of older ones that are far more appropriate, even though they may not be in a dictionary .... :D | SP8's (9836) | ||
| 1287249 | 2012-07-10 02:37:00 | Excellent joke, the last one :) | Renmoo (66) | ||
| 1287250 | 2012-07-10 06:07:00 | Good stuff thanks Billy | Gobe1 (6290) | ||
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