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Thread ID: 126086 2012-08-06 00:50:00 Monday Laughs....................Last of Aphorisms, Olympics? and Bingo Billy T (70) PC World Chat
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1293151 2012-08-06 00:50:00 .
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Aphorisms to end all Aphorisms:

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.

Alabama State Motto: At least we're not Mississippi.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

"I think Politicians should wear uniforms, you know, like rugby players, so we could identify their corporate sponsors."

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to earn a living.

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While we are on politics.......

Do you know why politicians are like bananas?

When they are elected at first they are green,

then they turn yellow,

and next time you look, they're rotten."

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Took the wife to the disco last weekend.

There was a guy on the dance floor giving it heaps: breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips....you know....."the works".

My wife said, "That guy proposed to me 25 years ago and I turned him down."

I said, "Looks like he's still @!$#ing celebrating....!!!

She wasn't amused and isn't speaking.

Apparently I'll also have to wait until Hell freezes over, but at least it is peaceful.

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A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son: 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play, but a short while after he comes back
and tells his mother: 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.'

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In the Olympic Spirit......................

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her lover when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

'Oh my God' she screamed!! - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied.. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, the rain is the least of your problems!'

So the lover scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved alongside. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'

'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'

'Nope.....Only if it's raining.'

*********************************


A man goes into the doctors feeling a little ill.

The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have “Yellow 24”, a really nasty virus.

We call it Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.’

So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.

Distraught, she asks him to go to the Bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.

They arrive at the Bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins $35.

Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320.

Then he gets the full house and wins $1000.

Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting $380,000.

The Bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, 'Sir, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the National Game on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!'

'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24.’

'Well bugger me,' says the Bingo caller. 'You've won the meat raffle as well!!



Cheers

Billy 8-{) :) 		Billy T (70)
1293152 2012-08-06 01:05:00 Bahahahaha the Marathon one is classic! lordnoddy (3645)
1293153 2012-08-06 01:27:00 "I think Politicians should wear uniforms, you know, like rugby players, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to earn a living."


I love the above! 		bk T (215)
1293154 2012-08-06 01:35:00 :D:D Good laughs as usual thanks. Bobh (5192)
1293155 2012-08-06 02:05:00 Thanks Billy gary67 (56)
1293156 2012-08-06 02:23:00 Thanks :thumbs:. Erayd (23)
1293157 2012-08-06 02:31:00 The politician ones are so true :) Nick G (16709)
1293158 2012-08-06 03:30:00 haha awesome thanks Billy Yellow 24! Gobe1 (6290)
1293159 2012-08-06 05:33:00 A Maori lad asked his dad, "Dad, can we get Sky?"

Dad replies .....

"Taihoa boy, we're still trying to get the seabed, foreshore, water rights and control of the air before we have a go for that!" 		gary67 (56)
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