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Thread ID: 126424	2012-08-27 00:36:00	Monday Laughs..........Take them as you findthem.........I did..........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1297152	2012-08-27 00:36:00	. . . A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding...... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you, but I don't have one. Traffic Cop: Don't have one? Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving. Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Traffic Cop: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Traffic Cop: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Traffic Cop: You what!? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?! Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The traffic cop is quite stunned. Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license quizzically. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner! Older Woman: I bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too. Don't Mess With Mature Ladies (If this incident took place outside the Empire State Building, four of the five officers would now be dead, along with the driver plus several pedestrians.) ********************************* Hassan and Habib are beggars and work in different areas of Sydney. Habib begs just as long as Hassan but only collects $20 to $30 every day. Hassan brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend. Habib says to Hassan, 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 notes every day?' Hassan says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say?' Habib's sign reads; 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'. Hassan says, 'No wonder you only get $20- $30!' Habib says... 'So what does your sign say?' Hassan shows Habib his sign.... It reads: 'I only need another $50 to move back to Pakistan. ********************************* Fire Evacuation Test I failed the mandatory Health and Safety Course at the Senior Center yesterday. One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F#@kin' big ones" was the wrong answer apparently. ********************************* As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral, a muffled voice from inside screams “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!” The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters “Too f&%king late pal, I’ve already done the paperwork. ********************************* I just got sacked from my volunteer job with Lifeline. Someone called Abdul phoned and said, "I'm lying on the railway track waiting for the train to come". All I said was, "Remain calm and stay on the line" . . . ********************************* On a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip places you above the rest of us. "Look at me.... I'm ME. I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that ?" The Englishman gave him a knowing little smile and replied, "Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap !!!" Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1297153	2012-08-27 00:48:00	It's Monday!!! Cheers Billy!	lordnoddy (3645)
1297154	2012-08-27 01:28:00	Read them every week....but first tim I have commented....bloody hilarious	Obelix (752)
1297155	2012-08-27 02:06:00	haha awesome thanks Billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1297156	2012-08-27 02:29:00	Good laughs there. Goo way to get out of a speeding ticket.	Bobh (5192)
1297157	2012-08-27 02:57:00	. The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car. Someone doesn't know how they work then. America - pulls gun, throws her up against the side of the car, handcuffs, her, probably pepper sprays her or tasers her. Then calls backup. Backup then arrests her for making false statements, speeding and wasting police time.	pctek (84)
1297158	2012-08-27 03:36:00	Oh, I thought it was a joke, not a documentary.	John H (8)
1297159	2012-08-27 04:59:00	Oh, I thought it was a joke, not a documentary. +1	lordnoddy (3645)
1297160	2012-08-27 09:13:00	yay it's Monday	gary67 (56)
1297161	2012-08-27 11:29:00	Someone doesn't know how they work then. America - pulls gun, throws her up against the side of the car, handcuffs, her, probably pepper sprays her or tasers her. Then calls backup. Backup then arrests her for making false statements, speeding and wasting police time. Okaaaaay..................Next time I post a joke where the truth may possibly be stranger than fiction, maybe I'll add a disclaimer for all those not really in the mood for frivolity. But then again, why spoil a perfectly good Monday morning! :devil Cheers Billy 8-{) :D	Billy T (70)
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