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Thread ID: 127040	2012-10-01 03:19:00	Monday Laughs........No point in taking life too seriously, nobody gets out alive....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1304333	2012-10-01 03:19:00	. . . You are driving in a 'compact' car at a constant speed. On your left side is a sheer 'drop off' of about 500mm below the level you are travelling on, and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you. Right in front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it . Behind you is a galloping zebra . Both the horse and zebra are also travelling at the same speed as you . What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation ? For the answer, left-click and drag your mouse from star to star. * Get off the merry-go-round, you're too pissed to be riding it. * ********************************* One morning, a husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent. Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?') 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden. 'That's true, but you have all the equipment.. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think. ********************************* Four Impossibilities 1. U can't count your hair 2. U can't wash your eyes with soap 3. U can't breathe when your tongue is out 4. U won't be able to resist dragging between the stars on this one too. * Put your tongue back in, Friend.* ********************************* 10 Things I know about you... 1) U are reading this. 2) U are human. 3) U can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips. 4) U just attempted to do it. 6) U are laughing at yourself. 7) U skipped No. 5. 8) U just checked to see if there is a No. 5. 9) U laugh at this & everyone does it too. 10) U are going to send this on to see who else falls for it. ********************************* One day an Irishman goes into a Pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and says to the Chemist "could you taste this for me, please?"' The Chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it. "Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy. "No, not at all," says the Chemist. "Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "My doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar." ********************************* A very prestigious Cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... Covered in flowers, a huge heart, stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, the casket rolled inside, then the heart closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I'm so sorry... I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynaecologist!' The priest fainted!...................... Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1304334	2012-10-01 03:26:00	Love them Billy :)	Nick G (16709)
1304335	2012-10-01 03:55:00	Your a friggin' STAR Billy ... Pun intended !!	SP8's (9836)
1304336	2012-10-01 06:49:00	Wife - "Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon!" Husband - "I'm so sorry Honey...but you probably don't want to hear the reason." Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!" Husband - "Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the button. On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of course I refuse it - but then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer. She's such a sweetie, I said yes. and before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I'm in her room....clothes are flying ......the talking stopped.....and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. There. You wanted the truth....you got it." Wife - "Bullshit. You played 36 holes, didn't you!"	johcar (6283)
1304337	2012-10-01 09:08:00	1. U can't count your hair 2. U can't wash your eyes with soap 3. U can't breathe when your tongue is out 4. U won't be able to resist dragging between the stars on this one too. funny, and I know it's a joke and not meant to be serious but I'd like to point out that none of these are actually impossible however difficult or improbable they might be. shoulda used something like "you can't lick your elbow"	dugimodo (138)
1304338	2012-10-01 09:16:00	Thanks Billy.	Bobh (5192)
1304339	2012-10-01 19:27:00	Cheers Billy!!	lordnoddy (3645)
1304340	2012-10-01 22:17:00	Good stuff again Billy Thanks	Gobe1 (6290)
1304341	2012-10-01 22:43:00	Sorry for the double post but this just came through A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use as his house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?"... This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first F****** time! I'm putting my shoes on!"	Gobe1 (6290)
1304342	2012-10-02 05:35:00	3. U can't breathe when your tongue is out. Funny, and I know it's a joke and not meant to be serious but I'd like to point out that none of these are actually impossible however difficult or improbable they might be. Shoulda used something like "you can't lick your elbow" C'mon dugi, have you never heard of a loss-leader, or a patsy joke? The whole idea is to get people to poke their tongue out. There is nothing funny about licking elbows, unless it is not attached to your person. Maybe you need to get a funny-bone transplant, or did we just catch you on a bad day? Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs:	Billy T (70)
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