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Thread ID: 127280	2012-10-14 22:33:00	Monday Laughs...............Time for some Culture and Philosophy..................	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1306932	2012-10-14 22:33:00	. . Introducing a modicum of culture to Monday Laughs: a little poetry, with more to follow.... I have a little SatNav, I've had it most my life. It’s better than the normal ones, my SatNav is my wife. It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive. "It's 50 K's an hour", it says, "you're doing fifty five!" It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake. It tells me that it's never ever safe to overtake. It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green. It seems to know instinctively just when to intervene. It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear. Then taking this into account, it specifies my gear. I'm sure no other driver has, so helpful a device. For when we lock and leave the car, it still gives its advice. It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught! So why don't I exchange it then, and get a quieter sort? Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed, it washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed! Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff. I do wish that once in a while, I could turn the damned thing off! ********************************* As I was lying in bed this morning, pondering the problems of the world, I suddenly realised that I don't really give a rat's arse: ********************************* 1. If walking and cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. 2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is still overloaded with blubber. 3. In between exercising on Mrs Bunny, a rabbit runs and hops all day yet only lives 15 years. 4. But a tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it can live nearly 200 years. And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so. I'm retired. Go around me! ********************************* Why Some Men Have a Dog But No Wife: 1. The later you get home, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. You can have more than one Dog, and they don't care if you call them by another Dog's name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog's parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. 7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing. 8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?" 9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. 10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert. 11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting. And last... but not least: 1 2. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff. To test this theory: Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you. ********************************* A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, " About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, " About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked," How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, " About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does that guy go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, ................"Your house!" ********************************* An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.' ********************************* A police recruit was asked during his final exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother-in-law?' He answered, 'Call for backup.' Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1306933	2012-10-14 22:38:00	Haha last one is a cracker Thanks Billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1306934	2012-10-14 22:41:00	Good ones Billy.	Nick G (16709)
1306935	2012-10-14 22:48:00	YAY!!! Monday!!! Cheers Billy!	lordnoddy (3645)
1306936	2012-10-14 23:04:00	Some Penguin Culture It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow." Then, they kick him in the ice hole.	tutaenui (1724)
1306937	2012-10-15 00:10:00	Thanks Billy. Good laughs there.	Bobh (5192)
1306938	2012-10-15 01:02:00	bahahahaha Tutaenui - that's as bad as Wal's from last week!	lordnoddy (3645)
1306939	2012-10-15 03:53:00	Hahaha. Yep. Good ones Billy. I liked them all.	ChazTheGeek (16619)
1306940	2012-10-15 04:29:00	bahahahaha Tutaenui - that's as bad as Wal's from last week! Yes it was. The master will retaliate but later in the week. Thanks Billy - a good start to the week. As always. :D	WalOne (4202)
1306941	2012-10-15 07:17:00	I always look forward to Monday Laughs :). A bit of a show down eh Wal? :D	ChazTheGeek (16619)
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