Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 127977	2012-11-25 21:21:00	Monday Laughs......Kids. Civil Servants and Contributors' day................	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1314739	2012-11-25 21:21:00	. . A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Mum' Fearing the worst, with trembling hands and pounding heart, she opened the envelope, then as tears formed, she read the letter. Dear Mum. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I have had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've found real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She has a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter, and we share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune to get the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mum, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. I'm sure we'll be back to visit someday, and then you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Nicholas. "P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk" I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home. ********************************* A retrired woman, an ex-government employee from Wellington,was a conservationist tree hugger, Greens supporter, and an anti-hunter. She purchased a block of bush land near Coromandel that had a Kauri tree on its highest point, and she wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to climb it, but as she neared the top, she encountered a mynah bird that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid and slithered down the tree to the ground, breaking some small branches on the way and getting a number of wood splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to Thames Hospital to see a doctor She told him she was an environmentalist, a Greenie, and an anti-hunter and explained how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Department of Conservation, Resource Management Act, County Council, Regional Authority and Local Iwi before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but I can't help you. They all turned me down." ********************************* Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk Maori led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall. 'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friend's asked.'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Australian clock' he drunkenly replied. 'A talking Australian clock - seriously? ''Yup!" 'Hmmm (hic).''How's it work?' the second friend asked, squinting at it. 'Just watch' he said. He picked up a hammer and gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' then stepped back. His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence. Then suddenly, an Australian voice screamed from the other side of the wall: 'For f*#k's sake, you stupid Maori pri*#. It's ten past three in the f*#king morning!!!' SB SP8's ********************************* There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident, this led to him becoming very depressed. In utter despair, one day, he decided to commit suicide, so he went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge and when looking down he saw a man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man had lost both arms. This started him thinking: "What am I doing up here feeling so sorry for myself. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk, happy, and going on with his life". He hurried down and caught up with him, and said how glad he was to see him because he had lost just one of his arms and was going to kill himself, and he thanked him once more for saving his life. The man with no arms began dancing, whooping and kicking up his heels again. Onearm asked, "Why are you so happy?" Armless said, "I'm not . . . my balls are itchy!" SB R2x1 ********************************* Irish Shorts Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a Nurse's outfit, a French Maid's outfit, and a Policewoman's uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him -------------------------------- Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says "I tink oill ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick." Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?" Paddy replies "No, I only live round the corner." -------------------------------- Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.... After 100 years lying on the sea-bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic's swimming pools were still full. Paddy looked with disgust at the situations vacant advertisement, "Tree Fellers needed Urgently". "Blast it!" he said to Mike, "Sure and there's just the two of us". Mike read the sign in front of the Police Station with dismay, "Two Pakistanis Wanted For Rape". "Would yez just look at dat Pat, them foreigners are getting all the good jobs". The Irish Moon probe project has been temporarily delayed. Just as they were nearing a height of 26,000 feet they ran out of scaffolding. SB R2x1 Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1314740	2012-11-25 21:36:00	Cheers Billy!!! Gotta love them Irish!	lordnoddy (3645)
1314741	2012-11-25 21:37:00	It was the first day of 3rd grade, and a new school for Johnny. As a test, the teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 and 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well. He counted past 50, right up to 83. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Australia, son." The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. Most made it about half way through without much trouble. Some made it to M and N, but Johnny rattled off the alphabet right to W. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "Son, that's because you are from Australia." The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly well endowed. This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Australia?" he asked. "No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."	tutaenui (1724)
1314742	2012-11-25 21:38:00	Armless ... I like it! :lol:	WalOne (4202)
1314743	2012-11-25 21:43:00	Itchy balls hahaha thanks Billy	Gobe1 (6290)
1314744	2012-11-25 21:45:00	thanks Billy T	gary67 (56)
1314745	2012-11-25 21:55:00	. Paddy looked with disgust at the situations vacant advertisement, "Tree Fellers needed Urgently". "Blast it!" he said to Mike, "Sure and there's just the two of us". Originated from a 1975 edition of The Benny Hill Show. Anyways today's batch of jokes were great, I loved the Pakistanti Rape one :D	goodiesguy (15316)
1314746	2012-11-25 21:55:00	Is that because I'm from Australia?" he asked. "No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18." :lol:	pctek (84)
1314747	2012-11-25 22:25:00	Loved the Australian talking clock. I must buy one.:rolleyes:	Roscoe (6288)
1314748	2012-11-25 22:48:00	After their love-making session the young bride asks her husband "Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?" He said "Yes, she's dead too!" *** (Double Wamy - No offence meant) A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he's been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever since his wife died. The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the pig is a male or female. "No! I'm not doing it anymore!" says the farmer. "And the pig is a female, of course. What the hell do you think I am -- a qu**r?	lordnoddy (3645)
1 2 3