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Thread ID: 127977 2012-11-25 21:21:00 Monday Laughs......Kids. Civil Servants and Contributors' day................ Billy T (70) PC World Chat
Post ID Timestamp Content User
1314749 2012-11-25 23:21:00 He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards,forward,then backwards again, back and forth,back and forth........in and out...in and out.
Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, "OK, OK! I CAN'T park the ****ing car! You do it, you SMUG bastard!" ;)
B.M. (505)
1314750 2012-11-26 00:35:00 Bahahahahahaha Nice one B.M. lordnoddy (3645)
1314751 2012-11-26 02:45:00 A woman has sued her local hospital, saying that after her husband was
>>>>> treated recently, he has lost all interest in sex .
>>>>> .
>>>>> . Scroll down
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>>>>> A hospital spokesman replied, The man was admitted in Ophthalmology - all
>>>>> we did was correct his eyesight . . .

Ken
kenj (9738)
1314752 2012-11-26 03:24:00 Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I only got 59 seconds to live . . .
Dr: I'll be with you in a Minute

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I have a really sore throat!
Dr: Just stand by the window and hold your tongue out .
Patient: Wiw viss elp my voat?
Dr: Not really, I just don't like the guy next door .

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtians .
Dr: Pull yourself together!

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a bridge .
Dr: What's come over you?
Patient: So far 3 trucks, 6 cars and a motorbike .

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, it hurts when I touch here, here, here and here .
Dr: Come here and let me see that broken finger .
lordnoddy (3645)
1314753 2012-11-26 04:44:00 @Billy T

The man with no arms was a classic
And the Irish ones were good too.
Digby (677)
1314754 2012-11-26 05:26:00 I liked the one about the boy who left the note on the pillow for his mother. The note would be a mother's worst nightmare. Far worse than seeing a bad school report. Reverse psychology, I think. Bobh (5192)
1314755 2012-11-28 07:36:00 Great jokes. Love the Irish ones! ChazTheGeek (16619)
1314756 2012-11-28 21:43:00 Two men were out pig hunting one day . After serveral hours of tracking and hunting one of the fellows drops to the ground . . .
The first man jumps onto his Cell (prob a Samsung because he's awesome) and dials 1-1-1 .
Man - "I need help my mate has just dropped unconsious in the middle of the woods I think he is dead!!!"
Operator - "Okay sir, stay calm and follow my instructions . . . "
Man - breathing heavily "Oh . . . k"
Operator - "First of all please make sure your friend is dead . . . "

LOUD GUN SHOT

Man - "Now what? . . . "
lordnoddy (3645)
1314757 2012-11-28 22:07:00 The Old Flame

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around .

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together .

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic" .

"Wow!" I was flabbergasted .

"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me . Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have . "

She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge" .

"Yeah . " I said . "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone . . . everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly .

She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover .

Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"






So I told her to **** off .
johcar (6283)
1314758 2012-11-29 02:16:00 This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet . So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet .

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house .

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink .

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?"

But there was no answer from his new pet .

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet .

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation .

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"


A little voice came out of the box . . . . . . . . . . .

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"I heard you the first time! I'm just putting on my shoes"
WalOne (4202)
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