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Thread ID: 128384	2012-12-16 21:42:00	Monday Laughs..... In recognition of aging, starting soon in a body you're close to!	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1318664	2012-12-17 01:37:00	Apple announced today that it had developed a breast implant that could store and play music. The I-boob would cost from $499 to $899 depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough because woman are always complaining of men staring at their breasts and not listening to them. That's Gold....	lordnoddy (3645)
1318665	2012-12-17 02:30:00	I was visiting my son and family last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. “This is the 21st century, old man,” he said. “We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.” I can tell you, that stupid fly never knew what hit it! :lol:	pctek (84)
1318666	2012-12-17 03:24:00	Thanks so very much for your efforts over the past year, Billy. I always look forward to Mondays. A great way to start the week.:lol::thanks With your time off you may be able to spend a few hours on your hobby. You must have quite a collection by now. Bought any more lately? Best wishes to you, Mrs T and your family.:D	Roscoe (6288)
1318667	2012-12-17 05:03:00	Yes, many thanks Billy, much looked forward too each week. Have a great break. Ken	kenj (9738)
1318668	2012-12-17 05:18:00	What a great crop of contributions today, I laughed so much that I had to hose down my sheepskin seat cover and hang it out to dry . I'm afraid to go away now! Youse fellas are creeping up my back real fast and by the time I get back I reckon I'll just about be redundant! Thank you all for your kind words and best wishes . Billy Jnr is happy with the Dubai Gig, but they have problems getting paid by the agent! Yeah, I'm onto it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Our daughter (Billyette?) is the author of her own success, the trials and tribulations she has gone through would break your heart, but she just gets stronger, and each day she learns a little more about the perfidious nature of people in positions of power, and how to manage them . We gave direction, resources and opportunity to both of them, comforted when they crashed, but set them back on their feet and aimed them for the door . We praised in judicious moderation for their successes, and bragged like mad about their self-motivated achievements (when they were out of earshot)! Like all kids, they had their moments, but blood is thicker than water, and harder to get out of the carpet, so we kept it civil and survived intact . Now, I must sign off for the year, but I nearly forgot this one: As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year . I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery . I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel . I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed . I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose . Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans-fats I have consumed over the years . I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet . I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing . ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason . I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone . I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers . I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day . Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish, all within five minutes . Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains so what does it do to me??? . I no longer buy petrol without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up . I no longer use Glad Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer . And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life . I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down . I no longer go to Shopping Malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me . . And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill from calls to Jamaica, Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan . . Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt . And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over . I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off . And, if you don't send this as an e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 p . m . tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump . I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician's boyfriend! Oh, and by the way . . . A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their forum posts and e-mails with their hand on the mouse . . . . . Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late . P . S . I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water aerosols over 2m out of the toilet . NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD CHRISTMAS . . . . . . . . . . … Cheers Billy *<8-{)= :thumbs: bILLY	Billy T (70)
1318669	2012-12-17 05:29:00	Have a good trip Billy. Hope to hear from you next year.	Bobh (5192)
1318670	2012-12-17 20:06:00	That Mr Billy T was just mean =D have a great Christmas yourself mate! Best wishes for the famz in the new year!	lordnoddy (3645)
1318671	2012-12-17 22:16:00	by the time I get back I reckon I'll just about be redundant! people with insufficient brain activity read their forum posts and e-mails with their hand on the mouse.....Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. Never. Haha, I was holding my mug.....	pctek (84)
1318672	2012-12-20 20:42:00	Now time for Friday Funnies.... or Last Day Laughs (in this case) *** A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said "Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness." The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table." The Russian said "That sounds fine but if we go to Gouvstof's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid." "That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Have you actually been there?" "No," the Russian replied, "but my wife goes there all the time."	lordnoddy (3645)
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