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Thread ID: 128384	2012-12-16 21:42:00	Monday Laughs..... In recognition of aging, starting soon in a body you're close to!	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1318644	2012-12-16 21:42:00	. . I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'? And that, my friend, is the sad definition of 'OLD'! ************************ Just before the funeral services, the Undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98', she replied: 'Two years older than me' . 'So you're 96', the Undertaker commented. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?' ************************ Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' ************************ I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes! I'm half blind, I can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, I take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia. I have poor circulation; I hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92 and I have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license ....... ************************ My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. ************************ My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. ************************ Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. ************************ It's scary when parts of your body start making the same noises as your coffee maker. ************************ These days about half the stuff in my shopping trolley says, 'For fast relief.' ************************ THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. ************************ Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6 people, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are ....... ********************************* Lastly, my Christmas message to you all: Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back. Life is short: Occasionally bend the rules, Forgive quickly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, Never regret anything that made you smile. And have a very merry Christmas with the people you love, but don't forget your relatives! Cheers Billy *<8-{)= :) :) In breaking news, this is my last Monday Laughs for 2012 as Mrs T and I are off to Australia to see our daughter for Christmas. An off-course substitute will take over the reins (yet to be press-ganged, but shoulders will be tapped this afternoon if volunteers don't rush me with umpteen PMs) and I will be back on Monday January 7th. Merry Christmas to you all, and may the New Year bring all that you hope for. Finally, this is an opportune time and place to update you all on the 'Forum Laptop' and various accessories donated to our daughter, and for which members so kindly raised funds and/or shipped to us, when collectively myself, Mrs T and said daughter simply ran out of resources due to the very high cost of getting her to Melbourne Uni at all. It is hard to believe that two years have gone by already, but she has completed her Masters course with great distinction, with all but two of her papers gaining the highest grade possible, including her Masters Thesis, all 99 pages of it. Her performance and commitment both academically and within the University's social, collegiate and operational structure has earned her much respect, and she has been invited to consider continuing for a Doctorate (Ph.D) which she is now giving seriously consideration. Fortunately Universities provide significant assistance for Ph.D studies, possibly because they enhance the Institution's academic reputation, so the financial burden may not be so great. All three of us wish to express once more our sincere appreciation for the generous assistance so freely and willingly given. :thanks :thanks :thanks	Billy T (70)
1318645	2012-12-16 21:53:00	Thanks for so many laughs in 2012. Hope there is many more to come. And a big congratulations to daughter for such a high academic achievement. So great to hear of young people doing well. You must be proud of her.	tut (12033)
1318646	2012-12-16 21:56:00	.... she has completed her Masters course with great distinction ... Awesome news Billy, congrats, and enjoy your trip :)	inphinity (7274)
1318647	2012-12-16 22:00:00	Great stuff Billy, Congrats on your Daughters progress. It is great to have the update.	Gobe1 (6290)
1318648	2012-12-16 22:00:00	Good ones, Billy. I especially liked the Christmas message. Well done to said daughter, and the bestest of best wishes to you all. :D	WalOne (4202)
1318649	2012-12-16 22:04:00	Thanks for so many laughs in 2012. Hope there is many more to come. And a big congratulations to daughter for such a high academic achievement. So great to hear of young people doing well. You must be proud of her. Well summed up, and yes well done to Miss Billy T	gary67 (56)
1318650	2012-12-16 22:21:00	Awesome Billy - I'm off on leave the next 2 weeks too so good to know I wont miss ML's. Congrats to the Daughter also! *** As usual a couple of my own :) *** This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home. That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks. Well, they said, "let's try this out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head. *** A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet when he gets to the poisons."	lordnoddy (3645)
1318651	2012-12-16 22:23:00	Here's another about old age ... The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought... He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers. She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go." :D	WalOne (4202)
1318652	2012-12-16 22:24:00	Thanks for all the laughs throughout the year, BillyT. Have a great Christmas - and please pass on our congratulations and best wishes to your daughter.	johcar (6283)
1318653	2012-12-16 22:25:00	Thanks for the 2012 Monday laughs Billy, they are certainly a highlight of every Monday. Enjoy your trip, have a great Christmas, and a happy time with your girl, who is certainly doing very well. Cheers.	Richard (739)
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