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Thread ID: 129324	2013-02-18 01:54:00	Monday Laughs......Relationships, One-Liners, and start a movement..................	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1328605	2013-02-18 23:02:00	A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco Her condition is said to be stable Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle. Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger. So I had a $10 each way! Tesco Quarter Pounders: The affordable way to buy your daughter the pony that she's always wanted! Had some burgers from tesco for my tea last night.... I still have a bit between my teeth Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn Anyone want a burger from Tesco? yay or neigh? "I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer...AND THEY'RE OFF" I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse....." Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions. A cow walks into a bar. Barman says 'why the long face?' Cow says 'Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!' I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres. These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit. Talk about flogging a dead.. NO! NO NO NO! Said to the Mrs these Tesco burgers given me terrible trots And the last word ... To beef or not to beef. That is equestrian :groan:	WalOne (4202)
1328606	2013-02-19 07:26:00	Nudge for any Neigh sayers who haven't seen this one :D	WalOne (4202)
1328607	2013-02-19 08:20:00	Since they have been neglected lately : - - - Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!" THERE'S MORE... Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Paddy, watch dis," Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!" IT IS NOT OVER YET... Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head. "Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!"	R2x1 (4628)
1328608	2013-02-19 19:14:00	:groan:	WalOne (4202)
1328609	2013-02-19 19:42:00	Too soon?? Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Never sneak up, On Oscar Pistorius · "Oscar’s defence will be that he was absolutely legless at the time." · Surely Oscar Pistorius can't be the 1 man to wake up legless on valentines & shoot all over his wife's face imagining she was someone else · 'Roses are red, violets are glorious, don't try and burgle Oscar Pistorious' – · If this Oscar Pistorius thing goes to court he won’t have a leg to stand on · On a scale from Oscar Pistorius to Ray Lewis how good are you at getting away with murder? · I hear Oscar Pistorius' girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines. · Oscar Pistorius - making boyfriends look good on Valentines Day since 2013 · Shame about Oscar Pistorius the man had the world at his knees. · Oscar Pistorius's Nike ad, which calls him a "bullet," is pulled from his website. · Pistorius's website removes his Nike ad: "I am the bullet in the chamber" · First Tiger Woods, then Lance Armstrong, and now OscarPistorius. Methinks Nike should start telling athletes "Don't do it!" · Oscar Pistorius arrested for taking his girlfriend out on Valentine's Day · If Lance Armstrong and Oscar Pistorius have taught us anything, it's don't trust athletes with missing body parts · I guess Oscar Pistorius just got cold feet about the relationship · When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson? · Who's Oscar Pistorius's favourite band? Bullet for my Valentine · Oscar Pistorius has proved that even a man with no legs has a better shot than Fernando Torres. · Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed. · What did Oscar Pistorius get for Valentine's day?... 20 years.	Gobe1 (6290)
1328610	2013-02-19 23:17:00	LMAO! My sides.... :lol:	lordnoddy (3645)
1328611	2013-02-20 09:15:00	OMG lol.	Renmoo (66)
1328612	2013-02-20 17:23:00	From today's UK Telegraph, Prince Phillip's best gaffes . . . 1966 The Duke famously proclaimed: "British women can't cook" . 1967 When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union: "I would like to go to Russia very much, although the bastards murdered half my family . " 1969 The Duke said to Tom Jones after his Royal Variety Performance: "What do you gargle with, pebbles?" . He later added: "It is very difficult at all to see how it is possible to become immensely valuable by singing what I think are the most hideous songs . " On the Royal Family's finances: "We go into the red next year . I shall probably have to give up polo . " 1976 On a tour of Canada: "We don't come here for our health . We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves . " 1981 During the recession he mused: “Everybody was saying we must have more leisure . Now they are complaining they are unemployed . " 1984 When accepting a figurine from a woman during a visit to Kenya he asked: "You are a woman aren't you?" 1986 He told a World Wildlife Fund meeting that "if it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it . " Prince Philip's opinion of Beijing, during a tour of China in 1986, was simply: "Ghastly . " 1993 To a British tourist in Hungary in he quipped: "You can't have been here that long — you haven't got a pot belly . " To survivors of the Lockerbie bombing he told them: "People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst . We are still drying out Windsor Castle . " 1994 "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?", he asked an islander in the Cayman Islands . To a Caribbean rabbit breeder in Anguilla, he said: "Don't feed your rabbits pawpaw fruit — it acts as a contraceptive . Then again, it might not work on rabbits . " 1995 He asked a Scottish driving instructor in Oban: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?" 1996 Following the Dunblane massacre, he questioned the need for a firearms ban: "If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?" 1998 The Duke asked a British student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea: "You managed not to get eaten then?" 1999 In Cardiff he told children from the British Deaf Association, who were standing by a Caribbean steel band: "If you're near that music it's no wonder you're deaf" . 2000 To guests at the opening reception of a new £18million British Embassy in Berlin: "It's a vast waste of space . " At a Buckingham Palace drinks party, he told group of female Labour MPs: "Ah, so this is feminist corner then . " On being offered fine Italian wines by Giuliano Amato, the former Prime Minister, at a dinner in Rome, he is said to have uttered: "Get me a beer . I don't care what kind it is, just get me a beer!" "People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls . Some have even married Americans . " 2001 To Elton John: "Oh it's you that owns that ghastly car is it? We often see it when driving to Windsor Castle . " 2002 While touring a factory near Edinburgh he said a fuse box was so crude it "looked as though it had been put in by an Indian" . 2002 To Australian Aborigines during a visit to Australia with the Queen he asked: "Do you still throw spears at each other?" To the Aircraft Research Association, he said: "If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort, provided you don't travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly . " 2009 Said to black dance troupe Diversity at the Royal Variety Performance: "Are you all one family?" To a young fashion designer at Buckingham Palace he told him: "You didn't design your beard too well, did you? You really must try better with your beard . " 2010 On asking a female Sea Cadet what she did for a living, and being told that she worked in a nightclub (as a barmaid), the Duke asked “Is it a strip club?” Observing her surprise he dismissed the suggestion saying that it was “probably too cold for that anyway” . 2010 At a prize-giving ceremony for the Duke of Edinburgh Awards a girl told him that she'd been to Romania to help in an orphanage . He replied: "Oh yes, there's a lot of orphanges in Romania - they must breed them" . 2011 On approaching his 90th birthday: "Bits are beginning to drop off" . To the managing director of a wind farm company, the prince said wind turbines were "absolutely useless" and "an absolute disgrace" . 2012 When meeting a 60-year-old disabled man: "How many people have you knocked over this morning on that thing?" David Miller, a trustee of the Valentine Mansion in Redbridge, said he took no offence . Others that are undated: "YOU have mosquitos . I have the Press . " - To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean . "If it doesn't fart or eat hay then she isn't interested" - speaking about his daughter, Princess Anne . "Can you tell the difference between them?" - The Duke's question after President Barack Obama said he met with the leaders of the UK, China and Russia . "The problem with London is the tourists . They cause the congestion . If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion . " - on London traffic . "Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut . " - to a 13-year-old whilst visiting a space shuttle . “You look like you’re ready for bed!” - To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes . :clap	WalOne (4202)
1328613	2013-02-20 22:08:00	I like his non PC attitude.	mikebartnz (21)
1328614	2013-02-21 02:24:00	Phil the G(r)eek for Moderator :devil	WalOne (4202)
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