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Thread ID: 45363 2004-05-20 06:00:00 Off Topic: Qantas Flight Maintenance stu120404 (268) Press F1
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237872 2004-05-20 06:00:00 I found this on a forum, thought I would post it here.

Qantas Flight Maintenance

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read
and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of
the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the
gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
Humor!

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.

** Note:
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


Made me laugh anyway :)

Strangely enough Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident. 		stu120404 (268)
237873 2004-05-20 06:49:00 :^O Megaman (344)
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