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Thread ID: 134582	2013-07-16 08:53:00	The Tuesday Monday Laughs.........And I have fresh stocks as well............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1349059	2013-07-16 08:53:00	. . A traveller knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted. " I want to get screwed, " said the man. " Okay, mister, but this is a private club, so slip 50 bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot, " answered the voice. The man slid his $50 in, and the panel was closed. Minutes passed and nothing happened. He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again. " Hey, " exclaimed the sport, " I want to get screwed! " " What? " said the voice, " Again? " ********************************* A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her...... " Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on some damned machine and fluids from a bottle. So, if that ever happens to me, just pull the plug. " His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all his beer. ********************************* A rare computer related joke.......... Here is a list of ten URLs with an unintended secondary meaning attatched to their names, often the implied meaning would be hobby-related if that were the intended purpose of the site: 1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is: www.whorepresents.com 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at: www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at: www.penisland.net 4. Need a Therapist? Try Therapist Finder at: www.therapistfinder.com 5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com 6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com 7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always: www.ipanywhere.com 8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is: www.cummingfirst.com 9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com 10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at: www.gotahoe.com ********************************* A cowgirl married a cowboy. He was a man of the world, while she was an innocent with no experience. On their first night together, they got into bed and started exploring each other's bodies. Things went fine until she asked, " Oh! What's that? " He replied, " Well, darlin', that's mah rope. " She slid her hands a little further down and gasped, " Oh, my! What's that? " " Why, darlin', them's mah knots. " Finally, they started making love, but after a few minutes, she cried, " Stop. " Her panting husband asked proudly, " What's the matter, darlin'? Am I hurtin' ya? " " No, " she replied, " I jes' wantcha to untie them knots. Ah needs more rope! " ********************************* Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, " Do you know what I miss most of all? " She asks, " What? " ...... Sex!! " he replies. Mildred exclaims, " Why you silly old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head! " " I know, " Harold says, " but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while. " " Well, I can oblige, " says Mildred, so she unzips his trousers, pulls out his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk, and Mildred would hold him. Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked around the Senior Citizen home, then she finally found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding him instead! Furious, Mildred yelled, " You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have? " Old Harold smiled happily and replied, " Parkinson's " . ********************************* You may have to think about this one......... A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his briefcase. " And what will your third wish be? " The man looked at the genie and said, " Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet? " " You have had two wishes already, " the genie said, " but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left. " " Okay, " said the man, " I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads. " " Sheesh! I wish you'd make up your mind, " said the genie as he granted his wish and disappeared forever, " That was your first wish, too! Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1349060	2013-07-16 10:34:00	. You may have to think about this one......... A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his briefcase. "And what will your third wish be? " The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet? " "You have had two wishes already, " the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left. " "Okay, " said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads. " "Sheesh! I wish you'd make up your mind, " said the genie as he granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too! Yeah ... took me a while! Good ones Billy :lol:	WalOne (4202)
1349061	2013-07-16 20:15:00	Good ones Billy T. Especially getting screwed.	tut (12033)
1349062	2013-07-17 00:04:00	Ah.... I can breath easy again :) Thanks Billy!!! Love the Genie one - I got it instantly XD	lordnoddy (3645)
1349063	2013-07-18 01:12:00	How men and women record things in their diaries...... ------ Wife's Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing...' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. -----Husband's Diary: A two-foot putt..........who the hell misses a two-foot putt!	johcar (6283)
1349064	2013-07-18 01:57:00	And another URL a little closer to home :) http://www.naturesexplorers.co.nz/	pablo d (15490)
1349065	2013-07-18 04:37:00	And another URL a little closer to home :) http://www.naturesexplorers.co.nz/ Is it a club you can join? XD	lordnoddy (3645)
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