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| Thread ID: 48168 | 2004-08-16 04:27:00 | OT: Monday laughs | Billy T (70) | Press F1 |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 262166 | 2004-08-17 10:56:00 | apropos of nothing, the two-minute management lesson: * Lesson One... An eagle was sitting on a tree - resting...doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing"? The eagle answered, "Sure, why not"? So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of the sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson... To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. * Lesson Two... A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree; but I haven't got the energy", sighed the turkey. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?", replied the bull..."they're packed with nutrients". The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, on the fifth day, he found himself proudly perched at the top. There, he was promptly spotted by a farmer who shot him out of the tree. Management Lesson... Bull **** might get you to the top; but it won't keep you there. * Lesson Three... A little bird was flying South for the winter. It was so cold, the bird's wings froze and he fell to the ground in a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! The bird lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him. Management Lessons.. 1.) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. 2.) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend. 3.) And, when you're in deep **** it's best to keep your mouth shut!!! This concludes your two-minute management course. |
icyred (5795) | ||
| 262167 | 2004-08-18 13:00:00 | The other day I was standing in the park wondering why Frisbees get bigger and bigger the closer they get .......... then it hit me. |
Earnie Moore (5918) | ||
| 262168 | 2004-08-19 13:42:00 | Sorry to burst the bubble but, my father told me that hoary old chestnut 60 years ago about his WW2 war days when he was on Fleetairarm carriers. I have seen it on the internet in many different guises, navies and craft. |
Morepork (5970) | ||
| 262169 | 2004-08-19 14:16:00 | Morepork: Seeing that you revived the Monday Jokes thread on a Thursday, naturally we'd expect better than:* I heard this before.* Please bear that in mind before you raise old threads with nothing to contribute. If you've got a joke, produce it next Monday. |
Laura (43) | ||
| 262170 | 2004-08-19 15:26:00 | Thought you might like this! A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed . With the worst premonition, he opened it with trembling hands and read . Dear Mum and Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend . I've found real love and he is so nice, especially with all his piercing, cars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle . But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods . He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams . I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends . They're the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want . In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, so Ahmed gets better . He deserves it . Don' t worry about money . Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement . Apparently I can earn $100 a scene . I get a $100 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene . Don't worry Mum . Now I'm 16 years old, I know how to take care of myself . Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren . Your loving daughter Aimee PS . Dad, it's not true . I'm watching TV at a neighbour's house . I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the All Blacks being beaten by the Aussies again . |
summertime (2568) | ||
| 262171 | 2004-08-19 15:52:00 | Love it - and what's more, have some fellers I could pass it on to...with hopefully some results. | Laura (43) | ||
| 262172 | 2004-08-21 00:15:00 | > Morepork: > Seeing that you revived the Monday Jokes thread on a > Thursday, naturally we'd expect better than:* I heard > this before . * > Please bear that in mind before you raise old threads > with nothing to contribute . > If you've got a joke, produce it next Monday . Do you have a badge to go along with the attitude? Seriously,who elected you as a forum official? |
metla (154) | ||
| 262173 | 2004-08-21 00:16:00 | and in an unrelated matter, Microsoft has also managed to upset women and entire countries. A Spanish-language version of Windows XP, destined for Latin American markets, asked users to select their gender between "not specified," "male" or "*****," because of an unfortunate error in translation. muhahahahaha,Thats what they get for hiring translator's off the street. |
metla (154) | ||
| 262174 | 2004-08-21 05:38:00 | Sounds like another urban myth to me metla . Since Spanish is a official language in the US, I sincerely doubt that such a basic error could be made . The story may have originated from the blog site here ( . irdial . com/blogger . html" target="_blank">www . irdial . com) but the use of hembra (female) is so fundamental to the Spanish language, as transported to the native population of South America by their Spanish invaders, that it seems unlikely that such a variant would have developed in regular usage . This site ( . about . com/library/questions/blq-invariable-adjectives . htm" target="_blank">spanish . about . com) gives the correct translation . Do you have a credible source for that unrelated matter, which probably doesn't belong in a humour thread anyway? It would be interesting to review the story's origins . Cheers Billy 8-{) :| |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 262175 | 2004-08-21 06:08:00 | Just for today, PC refers only to Personal Computers Well Billy T, having some small experience with Latin - American Females, I can assure you that humour could well be the outcome of using this phrase; Provided that ; - 1 The observer is not known to the Latina. 2 The person/object conveying the message is not known to the observer. 3 The observer is in a place of great security, provided with a dependable escape route. 4 The Latina has no accesible weapons of any kind. 5 The observer is not easily upset. Failure in any of these WILL result in distress and personal injury. Numerous other contingencies MAY result in distress and personal injury. Hearing protrction should be worn. No spouse was harmed in discovering these provisions. R2 |
R2x1 (4628) | ||
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