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Thread ID: 48437	2004-08-23 01:09:00	OT: Monday Laughs. Humour-only zone please!	Billy T (70)	Press F1

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
264466	2004-08-26 18:25:00	China has always kept secrets right. What's say China has already put a man on Mars "just like America put a man on the moon" just that they have never told anyone.. I mean China can do things cheaper than America. Should China come clean and spill the beans? :^O Sorry I never made it on Monday, I am sure you can understand why.	Earnie Moore (5918)
264467	2004-08-26 22:56:00	The last sentence of the Bill Gates joke should be God smiled and said, "That was the beta version."	SKT174 (1319)
264468	2004-08-27 03:29:00	or "Thats the hell XPerience" :D	willie_M (5608)
264469	2004-08-27 06:32:00	Im a bit late with these but enjoy anyway: Ever spoken and wished you could take the words back, or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do . . . . I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back . My husband didn't say a word . . . he knew better . Melinda Lowe, 39, ************************************************** ******** I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls . I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using . After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store . He asked if He could help me . Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls . " Colleen Collins, 31 ************************************************** ******** My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts . As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help . I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts . " My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away . To this day, my sister has never let me forget . Faye Emerick, 34 ************************************************** ******** This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks . What happens when you predict snow but don't get any . . . . . a true story . . . We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!	Spencer (5624)
264470	2004-08-27 08:41:00	ahahaha >So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night? aaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha, i had to leave my seat	MrBeef (342)
264471	2004-08-29 20:34:00	A Muslim was seen to enter a sex shop. Inside he asked for "One of those dolls" The owner asked he he wanted a standard one or a Muslim doll. When asked the difference, the owner said "The Muslim dolls blow themselves up".	Earnie Moore (5918)
264472	2004-08-29 23:06:00	----- Man and his Barbecue It's the only type of cooking a real man will do . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: 1) The woman goes to the shops . 2) The woman makes the salad, vegetables and dessert . 3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand . 4) The man places the meat on the grill . 5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery . 6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning . He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer whilst he deals with the situation 7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman . 8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table . 9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes . 10) Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts . 11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off . " And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!	miknz (3731)
264473	2004-08-31 04:50:00	Bud Abbott and Lou Costello had the legendary radio sketch "Who's on first?" If it were updated to today's environment it might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . ************************************************** ******** ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store . Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks . I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer . ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou . ABBOTT: Your computer . COSTELLO: I don't own a computer . I want to buy one . ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou . ABBOTT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELLO: I don't know . What will I see when I look out the windows? ABBOTT: Wallpaper . COSTELLO: Never mind the windows . I need a computer and software . ABBOTT: Software for Windows? COSTELLO: No . On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business . What have you got? ABBOTT: Office . COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office . Can you recommend anything? ABBOTT: I just did . COSTELLO: You just did what? ABBOTT: Recommend something . COSTELLO: You recommended something? ABBOTT: Yes . COSTELLO: For my office? ABBOTT: Yes . COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? ABBOTT: Office . COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows . COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal . What do I need? ABBOTT: Word . COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: Word in Office . COSTELLO: The only word in office is office . ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows . COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W" . COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue W" if you don't start with some straight answers . OK, forget that . Can I watch movies on the Internet? ABBOTT: Yes, you want RealOne . COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon . What I watch is none of your business . Just tell me what I need! ABBOTT: RealOne . COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 and 4 . Can I watch them? ABBOTT: Of course . COSTELLO: Great! With what? ABBOTT: RealOne . COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie . What do I do? ABBOTT: You click the blue "1" . COSTELLO: I click the blue one what? ABBOTT: The blue "1" . COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w? ABBOTT: The blue "1" is RealOne and the blue "W" is Word . COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows . COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"! ABBOTT: No, just one . But it's the most popular Word in the world . COSTELLO: It is? ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left . It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there . COSTELLO: And that word is real one? ABBOTT: RealOne has nothing to do with Word . RealOne isn't even part of Office . COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again . What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? ABBOTT: Money . COSTELLO: That's right . What do you have? ABBOTT: Money . COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? ABBOTT: Money . COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? ABBOTT: Yes . No extra charge . COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? ABBOTT: One copy . COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money . COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! A FEW DAYS LATER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store . Can I help you? COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? ABBOTT: Click on "START" . . .	WalOne (4202)
264474	2004-08-31 10:14:00	hey Walone, don't spose you know where to get the original "who's on 1st base?" - anyone out there know? - it's a classic	jayal (1291)
264475	2004-08-31 10:45:00	It was quoted in full on PF1 a few months ago, but I forget the poster. But you'll find it on this (and other websites) easily: www.taproom.com/jokes/abbott.htm	Laura (43)
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