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Thread ID: 48950	2004-09-05 22:25:00	OT: Monday Laughs	Billy T (70)	Press F1

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
269594	2004-09-05 22:25:00	Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Athens Olympiad that they would like to take back: 1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing." 2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother." 3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." 4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious. 5. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." 6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces." 7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew." 8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." 9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them................ Oh my God, what have I just said?" Cheers Billy 8-{) :D	Billy T (70)
269595	2004-09-05 23:00:00	"Who Does What" A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "Hebrews"	nzStan (440)
269596	2004-09-05 23:19:00	In a not so recent issue of "Meat & Poultry" magazine, editors quoted from "Feathers," the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story: It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."	andrew93 (249)
269597	2004-09-05 23:48:00	Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Albania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married a Kiwi girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.	Merino (5742)
269598	2004-09-06 00:07:00	This is why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a small Texas town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me? She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.! You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him." The bigoted attorney almost died! At this point, the judge brought the court room to silence, called both counsellors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt."	Smithie 38 (1008)
269599	2004-09-06 01:11:00	Good on you BillyT. The best posting of the week. Jack	JJJJJ (528)
269600	2004-09-06 01:24:00	TAke a look at these clips www.happytreefriends.com	yingxuan (3330)
269601	2004-09-06 02:59:00	Inside a bar, a sailor and a pirate are talking about their experiences, the pirate have a wooden leg, a metal hook on his right hand, an eye patch on his right eye. Sailor asked why you have a wooden leg? Pirate "Shark bitten my legs off..." Sailor asked why you have a metal hook? Pirate "Lost it during fights..." Sailor then asked about the eye patch... Pirate "Because a seagull dropped some droppings into my eye..." Sailor was shocked "You mean the droppings made you blind??" Pirate "That happened on the same day after I have the metal hook attached to my arms for the first time"	SKT174 (1319)
269602	2004-09-06 03:18:00	Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. "You Sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face. The next day, he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Mr. Mandela is getting a bit p'd off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then, he slams the door in his face again. The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time, Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front, and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?" The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: (Get your Chinese accent ready .....) "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"	tutaenui (1724)
269603	2004-09-06 03:36:00	Delete/ban "Billy T" for posting sexually orientated jokes on a family forum. X-(	Nyet (437)
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