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Thread ID: 134871	2013-08-25 23:06:00	Monday Laughs......Postman Pat's last Day, Beaver Shooting, and more...............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1352078	2013-08-25 23:06:00	. Postman Pat's Last Day: It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same group of small rural communities. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a cheque for $100. At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch. The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a gorgeous blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When they went downstairs, the blonde fixed him a full breakfast: bacon, eggs, sausage & tomato, with freshly squeezed orange juice. As she was pouring him a cup of steaming coffee, he noticed a $10 note sticking out from under the cup. 'All this was just too wonderful for words,' he said, 'but what's the tenner for?' 'Well,' said the blonde, 'Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what I should give you' and he said, @#*k him. Give him a tenner.' She smiled shyly and said, 'but the breakfast was my idea.' ********************************* An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said " Things are great and I've never felt better, in fact I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that? " The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. " I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large Beaver sitting at the water's edge. When he realised he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature, out of habit he raised his umbrella, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the Beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that? " asked the doctor. The 80-year-old said, " If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that Beaver. " The doctor replied, " My point exactly " . ********************************* A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, " Paw, what's that? " The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, " Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuttin' like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea what it is. " While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an overweight, elderly lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order, then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, " Boy...go gitcha Momma. " ********************************* In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name, For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra, and after careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ilebepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of " cocktails " , " highballs " and just a good old-fashioned " stiff drink " . Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT 'n DO. ********************************* The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody, and he had it narrowed down to one of two people, Debby or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one to used the water cooler the next morning. Debby came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night and went straight to the cooler to take an aspirin. The Boss approached her and said: " Debby, I've never done anything like this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off. " " Could you jack off? " she said, " I feel like shlt today. Cheers Billy 8-{) :) :devil	Billy T (70)
1352079	2013-08-25 23:51:00	That last one is a beaut!	Richard (739)
1352080	2013-08-26 07:33:00	Nice ones, Billy!	WalOne (4202)
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