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Thread ID: 49882	2004-10-03 22:47:00	OT: Monday Laughs.	Billy T (70)	Press F1

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
278044	2004-10-08 02:37:00	Ok, so its Friday now but what the heck. Enjoy. Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards! Dear Mr. Baker: As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftless looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts. 1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own. 2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list," which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration. 3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.) Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time! :D	Winston001 (3612)
278045	2004-10-08 05:29:00	Q: What's brown & red and black and blue? A: A brunette who told one too many blonde jokes. (Sometimes we fight back)	Laura (43)
278046	2004-10-08 10:16:00	Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death . One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor . Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it . Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme . The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed . Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense . Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch . The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer . Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts . The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero . Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins . With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made . The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's shorts . The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer . . . MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills .	Baldy (26)
278047	2004-10-08 10:54:00	After getting a job at the IRS, a young hotshot gets his first assignment, auditing an aging rabbi. Arriving at the synagogue, he decides to have a little fun. "Rabbi," he says, "what do you do with your candle drippings?" "Well," the elderly rabbi replies in surprise, "we send them to the candle factory, and every once in a while, they send us a free candle." "I see," the taxman says. "And what about the crumbs from your table?" The rabbi looks at him, again taken aback. "Well, we send them to the matzo-ball factory, and every once in a while, they send us a free jar of matzo balls." Nodding, the auditor asks his final question. "So tell me," he asks, furrowing his brow, "what do you do with the foreskins from circumcisions?" By now, the rabbi is fed up. "Well, we send them to the IRS," he answers slowly. "And every once in a while, they send us a little prick like you."	zqwerty (97)
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