Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 135086	2013-09-23 06:42:00	Monday Laughs....A bit of this, a bit of that, and a bit of the other..............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1354132	2013-09-23 06:42:00	. Two indigenous Australians were driving their old Ford Falcon in the outback recently, when off in the distance they saw a police "booze bus" . Rather than trying to avoid it, the driver headed straight for it and as they pulled up, the driver wound his window down and said 'G'day, brudder, two cans of VB, thanks!' The copper glared at him and said 'you're drunk, get out of the car and blow into this tube for me!' The driver said 'Sorry boss, I can't blow in that . . . I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in dat!’ The cop smirked and said 'OK - In these cases, we require you to give a blood sample . ' 'Nah, nah - sorry, boss,' replied the driver . 'Can't be doin' that . Got a letter from the Red Cross sayin' I'm a haemophiliac, and I could bleed to death if I gave a blood sample . By now the copper was getting very irate, and so he demanded that the driver provide a urine sample for testing . The driver shook his head and said 'Sorry boss, can't do that either . ' The copper protested, 'surely you haven't got a letter for that!!!' 'Bloody oath, mate!' says the driver, 'It's from Kevin Rudd, when he was the Prime Minister of this great country of Australia - he apologised and said that you white fellas can't take the piss out of us black fellas no more!' ********************************* When a panel of doctors were asked to vote on the hospital redevelopment plan : The Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists preferred no rash moves . The Gastro-Enterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception . The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" and the Paediatricians said, "Grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought it was madness; the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing, and the Radiologists could see right through it! The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow but the Plastic Surgeon said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter . " The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water . The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no . In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some ars*hole who didn't give a shlt . . . . . . . . . ********************************* Joe walked into a Doctor's office to seek relief of a non-stop headache he had suffered for 20 years . After examining him the doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches . The bad news is that it will require castration . You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache . Sadly, the only way to relieve the pressure is to remove your testicles . " Joe was shocked and depressed . He wondered if he had anything to live for, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife . When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself . As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a totally different person and he could make a new beginning and live a new life . He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need to start with - a new suit . " He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit . " The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see . . . size 44 long . " Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said . Joe tried on the suit and it was a perfect fit . As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure . " The Salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck . " Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and again it was a perfect fit . Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "how about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure . " The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see . . . . . size 36 . " Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you there! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old . " The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34 . A 34 Underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache . " ********************************* A woman goes to the local newspaper office to arrange for an obituary to be published for her recently deceased husband . The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word . She pauses, reflects, and then she says, "Well then, let it read, "Fred Brown died . " Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries . She thinks it over for a few seconds, then says: "In that case, let it read: Fred Brown died, golf clubs for sale . " ********************************* Dining in France . . . A husband and his wife were bickering while holidaying in France . They were still hardly speaking to each other after being seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner . When the waiter arrived the husband said, "I'll have a big, thick porterhouse steak . " The waiter replied, "But Monsieur . . . what about ze mad cow?" The husband replied, "She'll have a salad . " Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1354133	2013-09-23 08:37:00	A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo." "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow." "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaa." "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" "It goes...click!"	tutaenui (1724)
1354134	2013-09-23 12:26:00	Will we win it tomorrow?!	CYaBro (73)
1