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Thread ID: 50108	2004-10-10 20:29:00	OT: Monday Laughs	Billy T (70)	Press F1

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
279914	2004-10-10 20:29:00	The Harley Mechanic and the Heart Surgeon A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop . The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike . The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question? " The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle . The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine . I open its heart, take valves out, fix'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new . So, how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same work? The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic . . . . . "Try doing it with the engine running! " Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
279915	2004-10-10 22:01:00	For Laura A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snowplow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about 45 minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a snowplow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, so now you can follow me over to K-Mart." ;)	Winston001 (3612)
279916	2004-10-10 23:03:00	A blonde lawyer was on her cell phone, calling a locksmith . "I locked my keys in my sports car!" she said . "No problem, I should be there in about an hour," replied the locksmith . "Do you think you can make it a little sooner?" she pleaded . "My car hood is down and it's starting to rain . "	godfather (25)
279917	2004-10-11 00:54:00	Sorry?? I don't get it......................	Winston001 (3612)
279918	2004-10-11 00:58:00	Must be a convertable....	metla (154)
279919	2004-10-11 01:13:00	Aw gee, Winston I hadn't realised until now you are blonde also. (They don't come in one sex only)	Laura (43)
279920	2004-10-11 01:22:00	I mean, wouldn't her driver look after this problem? :D	Winston001 (3612)
279921	2004-10-11 03:38:00	Winston: What do you get when you cross a blonde with a lawyer? I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.	Laura (43)
279922	2004-10-11 04:25:00	Hahaha Winston, tell that one about the rocking horse and Pak n Save again, that was hilarious :D	alphazulusixeightniner (185)
279923	2004-10-11 05:07:00	Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being motivated by performing the 'Haka' before their games, other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own. The IRB Rugby World Cup Organising Committee has now agreed to the following displays: A. The England team will chat about the weather and where they are going on holiday after the tournament, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone mostly beats them. Failing that they will see what the Americans are doing and join in. B. The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads. C. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room. D. Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh suggestion following representations from the RSPCA. E. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by the England team. F. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other 13 whom they will coral between the posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves. G. The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called 'Saving No.8 Lyle'. H. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold The rest of the team to ransom. I. The Italian team will arrive in red penis-substituting cars, sexually harass the female stewards and then run away. J. The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and then claim that it was all in line with European "grass quotas". They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time, when their appeal for compensation against the UK Government will be heard. K. The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government). L. The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the half-way line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (much to the delight of Wales!) and burn the officials. However the French may not attend the World Cup at all as it involves the deployment of Frenchmen for violent physical activity in another part of the world. M. The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush.	andrew93 (249)
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