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Thread ID: 50108	2004-10-10 20:29:00	OT: Monday Laughs	Billy T (70)	Press F1

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
279934	2004-10-12 08:13:00	I am sorry Laura you found my joke offensive, it was not my intention to offend anyone. However I can assure you Mr T saw the item before it was posted and while he felt maybe it unfairly stereotyped men he did think it was quite funny.	tutaenui (1724)
279935	2004-10-12 10:08:00	Hi Tutaenui Well, is my face red... I forgot Chris is a unisex name - & it never occurred to me that a woman would've posted those jokes. No, I didn't find them offensive - just too American comic put-down stuff -hence depressing. (I know locals who can be really offensive. Don't need to go overseas for that ) Reading my post the next day, I do think I sounded like a really prissy pain in the neck. For that I apologise. So glad Mr T approved. Does that make him a "typical Kiwi male".? Rather more worried about Winston001 here. He said they were funny. Tried them out on Mrs Winston, did we? As a lawyer, you know that expressing personal opinions is a dangerous thing. So you wouldn't expect me to let you get away with that...you wee stirrer. (Note to you North Islanders- Winston understands totally the derivation of the adjective in the preceding sentence because we hear it constantly in Southland & Otago. Adults who visit think it's "cute.") Young people who don't know what an adjective is because grammar isn't taught nowadays will have to work it out for themselves.	Laura (43)
279936	2004-10-12 20:57:00	Och, dinna fasch yr'sel Laura, yr a bonnie lass. ;)	Winston001 (3612)
279937	2004-10-13 05:27:00	Four married guys went fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this morning. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: "That's nothing! I had to promise my wife I'll build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'll remodel the kitchen for her." They continued to fish, until they realized the fourth guy had not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?" Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 4:30 am. When it went off, I shut off the clock, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex," and she said, "Wear a sweater." :D	Billy T (70)
279938	2004-10-13 06:37:00	This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Sydney University . It was in the local newspaper and even Alan Jones mentioned it . It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests . After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd . He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding . He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception . As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him . So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope . He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope . Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man . The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them . After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!" . Then he turned to his bride and said "F--- you!" . Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here . " He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning . While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong . His revenge . . ? Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members . This guy has balls the size of church bells . Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?: Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $32,000 . Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3,000 . Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,500 . The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man . . . . . . . . . . Priceless . There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD . Ouch! :D	Fire-and-Ice (3910)
279939	2004-10-13 08:03:00	A little boy and his mother were on a plane. The little boy said to his mother: "If big dogs make little dogs, and big cats make little cats, why don't big planes make little planes?" "I don't know much about planes," his mother said, "Why don't you ask the flight attendant?" So, when the flight attendant next passed he asked her: "If big dogs make little dogs, and big cats make little cats, why don't big planes make little planes?" "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" "Yes." "Well, big planes on this airline always pull out in time. Have your mother explain that!"	TideMan (4279)
279940	2004-10-13 10:29:00	> This is a true story about a recent wedding that took > place at Sydney University . It was in the local newspaper > and even Alan Jones mentioned it . Shave the whiskers off it F & I :^O then read This . ( . ulrc . com . au/html/report . asp?CaseFile=ULRR0024&Page=1&View=Request&Collection=Revenge" target="_blank">www . ulrc . com . au) That story is about as old as they get . There's a similar one Here ( . neoburn . net/imagef1/files/bart_google . jpg" target="_blank">sal . neoburn . net) Cheers Billy 8-{) :D I think the mention of Alan Jones was a clue .	Billy T (70)
279941	2004-10-13 20:12:00	yes this "true" story has been doing the rounds for several years in various forms. It just goes to show you cannot accept as "true" anything you read in the paper or hear on the radio, more especially if it is on Alan Jones show.	theother1 (3573)
279942	2004-10-20 23:00:00	Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Edna the news he said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied "He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry...How soon can I go home?"	MartynC (5610)
279943	2004-10-20 23:16:00	Blonde is zipping along in her car when suddenly there'a "wah wah" of a cop car so she pulls over. Blonde cop gets out and swaggers up. "See your driver's licence Ma'am?" Blonde in car: "Drivere's Licence? Oh no. What's it look like?" "Sort of card sized thing with your photo on it", replies the blonde cop. Blonde rummages around in her bag then finds a small mirror, looks at it and says. "Oh Yes here it is." and hands it to the cop. Blonde cop looks at it and says" Hey that's ok you can go. I didn't realise you were a cop". :^O	mark c (247)
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