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Thread ID: 50585	2004-10-25 19:58:00	Monday/Tuesday Humour	Steve_L (763)	Press F1

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
284554	2004-10-25 19:58:00	Monday was a holiday but we still need laughs for the start of the week! >>>'Intelligent' Quotes " It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery Question pu to Miss Alabama: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman “If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.” – George Bush	Steve_L (763)
284555	2004-10-25 20:01:00	And more.... People Who Should've Won This Years Nobel Prize 1. Britney Spears & Eminem Who, combined, have written more books than they''ve read. 2. Dr. Phil Mcgraw Who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most hight-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues. 3. America''s Oil Companies For a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water don''t mix. 4. Yasser Arafat & Ariel Sharon For those 2 consecutive days last March when no Israelis or Palestinians killed each other. 5. Bill Gates For creating the X-Box and convincing Americans that their children need a $200 video game system during a recession. 6. The Editors of Maxim For managing to create 300 magazine pages a month using no other subjects besides beer and models. 7. Jared Of the Subway Sandwich fame, whose claim of losing hundreds of pounds and achieving optimum health by eating nothing but oversized, greasy heroes was questioned by no one. 8. Jennifer Lopez Who, in conjunction with DuPont, developed a synthetic fabric capable of containing her ass. 9. That 300 Pound Guy Who always manages to jam himself into the coach seat right next to yours on coast to coast flights. 10. Glaxo Who has managed to make "loose stools" a side effect of every one of the drugs it produces.	Steve_L (763)
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