Forum Home
Press F1
 
Thread ID: 50763 2004-10-31 23:50:00 Monday Laughs Billy T (70) Press F1
Post ID Timestamp Content User
286565 2004-10-31 23:50:00 Subject: Elegant solution

Since we have been debating NCEA and odd-ball maths questions, here's one for Chemistry:

Cheers

Billy 8-{) :D


The following is supposedly an actual question given in a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term exam . The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying
it as well .

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant .

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time . So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving . I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave . Therefore, no souls are
leaving .

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today . Most of these
religions state that if you are not a member of their faith, you will
go to Hell . Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can reliably project that all souls go to Hell .

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially . Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added .

This gives two possibilities:
1 . If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose .

2 . If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over .

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, "it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you, and
take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number
2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
already frozen over .

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existance of a divine being, which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God . "

Allegedly this student received the only A 		Billy T (70)
286566 2004-11-01 00:18:00 I suggest this guy should be made President of the United States as his logic appears to be logical
scarce in politics these days, hell, lets make him NZ's PM
he cant do anyworse than the people in there at the moment.

g :D 		gtr676 (5919)
286567 2004-11-01 00:52:00 On the first day after her husband divorced her, the lady spent the day in the beautiful old Parnell home where they had lived, packing her personal belongings into boxes,crates, and suitcases . On the second day, she had the movers come and collect all of the remaining things that were her's .

On the third day, with no little nostalgia and with many fond reminiscences, she sat down, by candlelight, at their beautiful dining room table for the last time . She put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay .

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and stuffed a few shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollows of the curtain rods . She then cleaned up the kitchen for the last time and left .

When the husband returned to the house with his new young girlfriend, all was blissful for the first few weeks . Then, slowly, the house began to smell . It was awful! They tried everything: cleaning, mopping, hanging air fresheners, thoroughly airing the place out, etc . Nothing worked .

They brought in pests control professionals to check the vents for dead rodents . Carpets were steam-cleaned, but had to be replaced . As a last last resort, exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, requiring the couple to move into a hotel for a few days . All to no avail .
Unbelievably, things even got worse: people stopped coming over to visit . . . repairmen refused to work in the house . . . the maid quit coming . . . , etc .

A month later, even though they had cut their price by 75%, they still could not find a buyer for their stinking house! Word got out and, eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls . Finally, they decided they just had to borrow money from the bank and purchase a place .

At this point, the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going . He told her the sad saga of the smelly house . She listened politely and said that, nevertheless, she really missed her old home, and would be willing to buy the house back from him, "at a reasonable price . "

Knowing his ex-wife really had no idea just how bad the smell in the house was, he told her he would sell it to her for half of what the house had been worth . But that he would only do so, if she were willing to meet him at his lawyer's, sign the necessary papers, and settle that very day . She agreed . His lawyers prepared the paperwork, and the ex-wife signed and repurchased the house that day, as he had stipulated .

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood outside the house . They were unable to conceal a little self-satisfied smirk on their faces, as they watched the moving company pack all their remaining things to take to their brand new home .

Including the curtain rods, of course . . . . .

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE STORIES WITH A HAPPY ENDING? 		Winston001 (3612)
286568 2004-11-01 03:44:00 Signs that lead to misunderstanding:

1 . In a restroom:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER . PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

2 . In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

3 . In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

4 . In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

5 . In another office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

6, . Outside a secondhand shop :

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC . WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

7 . Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

8 . Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

9 . Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

10 . Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

11 . Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

12 . On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING . (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) 		Smithie 38 (1008)
286569 2004-11-04 03:19:00 There are two muffins sitting in the oven . The first muffin looks to the second and says, "Gee it's hot in here!" The second muffin, yells "HOLY **** it's a talking muffin!"



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . HA



A peanut and a chicken were walking down the road . The peanut turns to the chicken and says, "This is the worst joke I have ever been in!"



lmao .


A seal walks into a club . . .


muhahahahahaha





Two cows where out flying, one said to the other, "You have a banana stuck in your ear . "




HAHAHAHA . . . it hurts,it hurts 		metla (154)
286570 2004-11-04 03:24:00 melta....

I dont know what you are drinking but... can i have some??? 		robsonde (120)
286571 2004-11-04 03:26:00 Just coffee, cheap coffee.

I got all them out of a bad jokes thread on another forum,there were many more but those i pasted in here all made me laugh..... 		metla (154)
286572 2004-11-04 03:44:00 I like "groan" jokes too.

Try this one metla:

What is the difference between a duck when it walks?

(No conferring, no Googling) :D

Cheers

Billy 8-{) :) 		Billy T (70)
1