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Thread ID: 135324	2013-10-21 03:09:00	Monday Laughs.............Some of you were not born when I first posted these........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1356640	2013-10-21 03:09:00	. Vintage Jokes: Sam has been a lawyer for 15 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Montana as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's just finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded man standing there. " Name's Leon...I'm your neighbor from ten mile away... Having a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come. " " Great, " says Sam. " After six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you. " As Leon is leaving he stops, " Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'. " " Not a problem... after 25 years in the legal business, I can drink with the best of 'em. " Again, as he starts to leave Leon stops. " More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too. " Sam says, " Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again. " Once again Leon turns from the door. " Could be some wild sex at these parties, too. " " Now that's not a problem, " says Sam, " I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there...by the way, what should I wear? " Leon stops in the door again and says, " Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us. " ********************************* An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. " So, " says the cop to the driver, where have ya been? " " Why, I've been to the pub of course, " slurs the drunk. " Well, " says the cop, " it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening. " " I did all right, " the drunk says with a smile. " Did you know, " says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car? " " Oh, thank heavens, " sighs the drunk. " For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf. " ***************** Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. " Brenda, may I come in? " he asks. " I've somethin' to tell ya " . " Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband? " " That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. " There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery... " " Oh, God no! " cries Brenda. " Please don't tell me. " " I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry. " Finally, she looked up at Tim.. " How did it happen, Tim? " " It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned. " " Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly? " " Well, Brenda... It's tellin' the truth I must be, and no he did not. It was three times he got out to pee, so he did, and on the fourth it was that poor Shamus fell back in and drowned. " ****************** Mary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, " So what's bothering you, Mary my dear? " She says, " Oh, Father, I've got terrible news . My husband passed away last night. " The priest says, " Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests? " S he says, " That he did, Father. " The priest says, " What did he ask, Mary? " She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...' ****************** A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, " ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either! " ****************** The Job Interview: Human Resources Manager: " What is your greatest weakness? " Older Man : " Honesty. " Human Resources Manager: " I don't think honesty is a weakness. " Older Man : " I don't really give a shlt what you think. " Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1356641	2013-10-21 05:01:00	Good collection of jokes as usual Billy T Here's my one for today. I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"	tutaenui (1724)
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