Forum Home
Press F1
Thread ID: 51214	2004-11-14 19:16:00	Monday Laughs	Steve_L (763)	Press F1

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
291845	2004-11-14 19:16:00	Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room . The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous . " The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about . I had that done when I was four . They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice cream . It's a breeze . " The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision . " And the second kid says, "Whoa, I had that done when! I was born . Couldn't walk for a year . " :^O :^O	Steve_L (763)
291846	2004-11-14 19:39:00	George Bush has a heart attack and dies . He goes to hell where the Devil is waiting for him . "I don't know what to do here," say's the Devil . "You are on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay so I'll tell you what I am going to do . I've got three people here that were not quite as bad as you . I'll let one of them go but you have to take their place . I'll even let YOU decide who leaves . George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed . The Devil opened the first room . In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water . He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over . Such was his fate in Hell . "No!" George said . "I don't think so . I'm not a good swimmer don't think that I could do that all day long . " The Devil led him to the next room . In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks . All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time . "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder, I would be in constant agony if all I could do is break rocks all day" commented George . The Devil opened a third door . In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and legs staked in a spread eagle pose . Bent over him was Monica Lewinski, doing what she does best . George Bush looked at this in disbelief for awhile and finally said, "Yeah I can handle this . " The Devil smiled and said . . . . . "Monica, you are free to go . "	Smithie 38 (1008)
291847	2004-11-14 21:08:00	Geez, Smithie!! :^O I would love to post one of my favourites here but I don't dare in case I get Bruce's broom across my backside . It is not very "family-friendly" . :p :D The Golfer . . . It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon . So John heads back to the clubhouse and phones home . "Hello?" says a little girl's voice . "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says John . "Is Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy . She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred . " After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Fred, honey!" "Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!" "Okay, then . Here's what I want you do . Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside the house . " "Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone . "Well, I did what you said, Daddy . " "And what happened?" "Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead . " "Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?" "He jumped out of bed too, and he was all scared, and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool . But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too . " There is a long pause . "Swimming pool? Is this 555-3097?"	Susan B (19)
291848	2004-11-14 21:23:00	> in case I get Bruce's broom across my > backside . Kinky fun ?????????	TonyF (246)
291849	2004-11-14 22:17:00	> Kinky fun ????????? Now then Tony, don't go putting ideas in Bruce's head! :p :D	Susan B (19)
291850	2004-11-17 19:09:00	Ten-Year-Old Grilled Cheese Sandwich Is Back On E-Bay E-Bay pulled the grilled cheese image of the Virgin Mary from its Web site, but reversed its decision Tuesday and put the 10-year-old sandwich back on the auction block. www.kwtx.com	Steve_L (763)
291851	2004-11-17 19:14:00	RHYME ~ WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE BUT ... ...THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE... I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot This describes everything you are not. I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes Damn, I'm good at telling lies! My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life. I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? My feelings for you no words can tell Except for maybe "Go To Hell." What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime.	Steve_L (763)
1