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Thread ID: 51467	2004-11-21 20:48:00	Monday Larfs	Susan B (19)	Press F1

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
294761	2004-11-21 23:21:00	Hey susan wasnt that joke posted last week? Im sure ive read it here before.	Pete O'Neil (250)
294762	2004-11-21 23:28:00	I just had a proctological exam - wow, worth every penny! The last time my head rang like this I woke up in a trailer with a dead man next to me!	robsonde (120)
294763	2004-11-21 23:29:00	New Words to an old Dylan Song: How many roads must a man drive down Before he admits he is lost Why when a man becomes married is he unable to find his own socks . How many times will it take 'til he knows he has seen the three stooges enough The answer my friend, I cannot comprehend The answer, I cannot comprehend How many shows can a man surf through before the remote burns out Why does he think that an intimate gift is a Dustbuster Plus for the house How many sounds can a man's body make before he sleeps on the couch The answer my friend, is take two aspirin The answer is take two aspirin Why when we go for a romantic drive do we wind up at Builder's Square again How many nights will he leave the seat up so I land on cold porcelain How men really feel is mystery to me and probably a mystery to them The answer girlfriend is driving me to gin The answer is driving me to gin .	robsonde (120)
294764	2004-11-21 23:51:00	> Hey susan wasnt that joke posted last week? Im sure ive read it here before . Hey Pete, you passed!! Was just testing to see if anyone noticed . :p :D Oh well, have to post another one then, won't I, since that one doesn't count . :D It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died . The policy would go into effect at noon the following day . So the next day at 1201 the first person came to the gates of Heaven . The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly asked the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died . " "No problem," said the man . "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair . I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and, uh, get intimate with him . So today I was going to come home too and catch them . Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy . My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment . But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy to think he could hide from me!" "Well, I ran out there and promptly stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground . But, wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die . In rage I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him . And oddly enough, the first thing I could grab was the refrigerator . I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and heaved it over the side . It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that right after that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly . " The angel sat back and thought for a moment . Technically, the guy DID have a bad day, and it WAS a crime of passion, so he announced, "Ok, sir, Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in . A few seconds later another guy came . Here's the rule . Before I can let you in, I need to hear about the day you died . "Sure thing . ", the man replied . "But you're not gonna believe this . I was out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises when I got a little carried away and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily however, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony directly beneath mine . When all of the sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment and starts cussing and stomping on my fingers! Well, of course I fall, I hit some trees and bushes on the way down which broke my fall so I didn't die right away . As I'm lying there face up on the ground, unable to move in excruciating pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all things, over the ledge and it falls directly on top of me and kills me!" The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story . "I could get used to this new policy . ", he thinks to himself . "Very well," the angel announces . "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven . ", and he lets the man enter . A few seconds later a third man in line comes up to the gate . "Tell me about the day you died . ", says the angel . "Ok . Picture this . ", says the man . "I'm naked inside a refrigerator . . . " Must remember to remove these things from Cardfile after they have been used, in future . :8}	Susan B (19)
294765	2004-11-22 01:23:00	A Kiwi couple go on holiday to Egypt. On their first night they go for a walk and end up on the edge of the desert. There they see hundreds of colourful market stalls. On inspection they find the first on only sells one thing - cake topped with fruit and cream. Further investigation reveals that all the stalls sell only one thing - the said cake topped with fruit and cream. The man turns to his wife and says,"Doris, this is a trifle bizarre"	Dally (6292)
294766	2004-11-22 01:40:00	Watch your screen very closely This is a car advert from somewhere in Europe . When they finished filming the ad, the people who made it noticed something moving along the side of the car, like a ghostly white mist . If you have speakers, you can lightly hear a strange whooshing sound as the mist goes by, but its faint so listen carefully . The ad was never put on TV because the unexplained ghostly phenomenon frightened the production team out of their wits . Watch it, and about halfway look and you will see the white mist crossing in front of the car by following it along the road . . . . . kind of spooky! so turn up the sound and get close to your screen or you may miss it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . may take a while to load . ;\ . ca/~harwoodr/Classic_Auto_1 . mpeg" target="_blank">ticats . ca :^O beetle	beetle (243)
294767	2004-11-22 01:51:00	Ok ive got a joke: There an indian man living in a small flat in London just down the road from Harrods. So one day hes on the toilet and goes to grab some toilet paper only to find hes run out. In a fluster he pulls up his pants and runs down the road to Harrods, and asks the man at the counter for some toilet paper. The young man at the counter politely replies that they have 3 different ranges, the first is the Supreme Deluxe range 3ply with lovely lil pictures. He asks how much for the roll of Supreme Deluxe paper, but is horrified to find out its 4 pounds a roll. So he asks the man behind the counter if hes got anything cheaper, so the man shows him the Luxury range. At this point the Indian mans getting a lil flustered so quickly asks for the price, and once again hes horrified to find out its 3 pounds a roll. Realising that his customer isnt a big spender the man behind the couter pulls on the new experimental budget range, and tells the indian man it does have a name and its not officially for sale but he can have a role for only 1 pound. Keen to get back home and finish his business the indian man hands over his cash and quickly leaves the shop. Several days have past and the indian man is walking down the street and happens to past Harrods. Remembering the events of several days ago he pops in and sees the young man who served him. He walks over and tell the man that hes thought up a great name for the exprimental budget range. Intrigued the young man asks what his suggestion is, and the Indian man replies "John Wayne, its rough and its tough and it dont take no **** from indians"	Pete O'Neil (250)
294768	2004-11-22 01:57:00	>tells the indian man it does have a name Opps that should read doesnt have a name	Pete O'Neil (250)
294769	2004-11-22 02:04:00	hehe - I heard about this one from a friend so I didn't dare turn it up too loud. It still scared the living daylights out of me though.	somebody (208)
294770	2004-11-22 03:37:00	A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, you keep your mouth shut!" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?" I love this part.... "Only when he's been drinking."	CliveM (6007)
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