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Thread ID: 135754	2013-12-08 21:59:00	Monday Laughs..............Some shorts.....and the return of Little Johhny..........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1362037	2013-12-08 21:59:00	. Life after death: "Do you believe in life after death?" The boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, sir," the new employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!" ********************************* Palm Sunday: It was Palm Sunday and little Johnny had to stay home from church with a sitter because he had a sore throat. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. Johnny asked what they were for, and his Mother said: "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go, he shows up!" ********************************* Children's Sermon: One Easter Sunday morning as the Minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "what's in here?" "I know!" said little Johnny, "Pantyhose!!" ********************************* Support a family: The prospective father-in-law asked, "young man, can you support a family?" The surprised Groom-to-be replied, "well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves." ********************************* First time Ushers: Little Johhny was in church for the first time, and watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates. When they came near his pew, little Johhny said loudly, "don't pay for me Dad, I'm under five." ********************************* Prayers: The sunday school teacher asked, "now, Johnny, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?" "No M'am," replied little Johhny, "we don't have to, my Mum is a good cook!" ********************************* Climb the walls: "Oh, I sure am happy to see you," Little Johhny said to his grandmother on his mother's side. "Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us." The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" She asked. "I heard him tell Mummy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit," little Johnny answered. ********************************* The Water Pistol: When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol... He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased, and I turned to Mum and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mum smiled and then replied..... "I remember!!" ********************************* Grandma's Age: Little Johnny asked his Grandma how old she was. Grandma answered, "39 and holding." Johnny thought for a moment, and then asked, "and how old would you be if you let go?" Cheers Billy 8-{) :) Shorts = briefs..........oh knickers! never mind.......	Billy T (70)
1362038	2013-12-09 07:16:00	The zoo's white bear was very moody. Sometimes it was happy and playful, and other times it just sat quietly in a dark corner and sulked. It turns out it was a bi-polar bear. ---------- Man with no grass in garden look forlorn	tutaenui (1724)
1362039	2013-12-12 20:39:00	My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up; I said "Did you get my drift?” I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!" Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners. When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband". Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off. :lol::lol:	WalOne (4202)
1362040	2013-12-12 22:17:00	My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked. LMAO! That's great!	lordnoddy (3645)
1362041	2013-12-13 18:31:00	A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'	WalOne (4202)
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