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Thread ID: 136046	2014-01-12 22:15:00	Monday Laughs.......Continuing 2014 with something different.............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1365082	2014-01-12 22:15:00	. Some Mildly Interesting Stuff To Start 2014..... In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'. ------------------------------------------- Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'..... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ------------------------------------------- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ------------------------------------------- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the U.S. Treasury. ------------------------------------------- Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ------------------------------------------- Coca-Cola was originally green. ------------------------------------------- It is impossible to lick your elbow. ------------------------------------------- Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. ------------------------------------------- The first novel ever written on a typewriter was Tom Sawyer. ------------------------------------------- The San Francisco Cable Cars are the only mobile National Monuments. ------------------------------------------- Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar ------------------------------------------- 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 ------------------------------------------- If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. ------------------------------------------- Most boat owners name their boats, so what is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession ------------------------------------------- Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'? A. One thousand ------------------------------------------- Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All were invented by women. ------------------------------------------- Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey ------------------------------------------- In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase........'goodnight, sleep tight.' ------------------------------------------- It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. ------------------------------------------- In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' That's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's' ------------------------------------------- Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic tankards. When they wanted more beer, they used the whistle to get a barmaid to come and give them a refill. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow! And various pedants will say it is 'whet your whistle', but whistles are wet, and appetites whetted ********************************* Old Cemeteries: There are some fascinating things inscribed on well-weathered tombstones! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903--Died 1942. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. ============================= In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go. ============================= On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102 Only The Good Die Young. ============================= In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767 ============================= In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Here Lies Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread, And the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna. =============================== In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast.... Pardon him for not rising. =============================== In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. ============================== In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays The Kid. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger But slow on the draw. ================================ A lawyer's epitaph in England: Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange. ================================= John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, Dig six feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny. ================================== In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune. ================================== Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont: Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go. ================================== On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod. Pease shelled out and went to God. ================================== In a cemetery in England: Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I As I am now, so shall you be... Remember this and follow me. To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: To follow you I'll not consent. Until I know which way you went. Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs:	Billy T (70)
1365083	2014-01-12 23:17:00	Awesome Billy :) nice to shake things up a bit! Heh... got this one this morning. *** A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."	lordnoddy (3645)
1365084	2014-01-12 23:39:00	. In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. - Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. Coca-Cola was originally green. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. The first novel ever written on a typewriter was Tom Sawyer. etc I thought Monday laughs were jokes. Bogus lists are not jokes.	pctek (84)
1365085	2014-01-13 00:03:00	NEWSPAPER HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2050 “ Ozone created by electric cars now killing “ millions” “White minorities still trying to have English recognized as NZ's third language” “Children from two-parent, married, heterosexual families bullied in schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged” “Auckland schoolgirl expelled for not wearing a burqa” “Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct, and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. NZ Government has told the Japanese that possums taste like whale meat” “NZ now has six Universities of Political Correctness. Professor Goldman of Otago says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think” “NZ's deficit £2 trillion and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Comrade Won Key claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success” “Baby conceived naturally. Scientists completely puzzled” “Iran still isolated. Physicists estimate at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels” “France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries. No other country comes forward” “Jose Manuel Rodriguez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2052” “Post Office raises price of stamps to $20 and reduces mail delivery to first Wednesday of each month only” “After a ten-year, $75.8 billion study commissioned by the Labour Party, scientists prove diet and exercise is the key to weight loss” “Average weight of a NZ male drops to 18 stone” “Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut” “Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil and human rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime” “Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches” “Inland Revenue sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 per cent” “Wellington Hindu Hornets, beats Canterbury Maoists 56-8 in NPC final” .................................................. .................................... Do you know any good jokes about Sodium?............ Na	tutaenui (1724)
1365086	2014-01-13 00:53:00	Yeah apparently Coke has always been brown, though the bottle was green: www.snopes.com	Chilling_Silence (9)
1365087	2014-01-13 02:14:00	NEWSPAPER HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2050 ................ :D	Agent_24 (57)
1365088	2014-01-13 02:55:00	I thought Monday laughs were jokes. Bogus lists are not jokes. Aw c'mon now PCT, no offence taken or intended, but please don't be a Grinch. If you don't like it, just don't read it. I reserve the right to post whatever material I wish, lists bogus or otherwise included, provided that there is an element of humour present somewhere in the post, and there was a smile or two littered throughout, especially in the graveyard humour. One of the forerunners for M.L. was WFTWE (Word For The Week End) and that ran for 200 editions without complaint, it wasn't meant to be humour as such, but it touched plenty of funnybones along the way. I can't please everybody, so I just please myself. Others can come along for the ride if they feel in the mood. Better luck next week............ Cheers Billy 8-{) ;)	Billy T (70)
1365089	2014-01-13 03:40:00	I can't please everybody, so I just please myself. Others can come along for the ride if they feel in the mood. Sounds kinky :D	Chilling_Silence (9)
1365090	2014-01-13 04:47:00	I can't please everybody, so I just please myself. Others can come along for the ride if they feel in the mood. It's mostly good Billy - some of the old ones are refreshing to hear, and some of the other old ones are new to some of us... they're always worth a look. Ignore the hagards.	Greg (193)
1365091	2014-01-13 05:41:00	Yeah I enjoyed the list Billy Some were quite funny (and interesting)	Digby (677)
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