Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 136850	2014-04-21 23:30:00	Tuesday Monday Laughs:....Holiday Weekend Edition....Meeting the family + Shorts.....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1373284	2014-04-21 23:30:00	. . Joe wanted to buy a motorbike, but he didn't have much luck finding what he wanted until one day he comes across really nice Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than new. Athough it is now ten years old it is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for all those years. 'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the Bike is outside and it's gonna be wet, I rubbed Vaseline on the chrome to protect it from the rain' and he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, Joe's girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there, but just before they enter the house Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk, in fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do all the dishes.' 'No problem,' he says, and in they go, but as they enter Joe is shocked to see a huge stack of dirty dishes right smack in the middle of the living room. In the kitchen there is another huge stack of dishes, and piled up everywhere he looks, on the stairs, in the corridors, on the bookshelves, in the bath there are stacks of dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation so he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word, so he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word, so he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and takes her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her Dad is obviously livid, and her mother is horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. Then Joe looks at her mother. 'She's got a great body,' he thinks, so he grabs her, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still there is total silence, then all of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket........then suddenly her father shouts.... Ok, ok, I'll do the #$!&*^! dishes!!! ********************************* A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.' ***** An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last forty years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' ***** A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. ***** Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun! What the heck is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' ***** Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?' Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.' ***** A man is recovering from surgery and the Surgical Nurse comes into post-op and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm fine' he says, 'but I didn't like that four letter-word the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. The man replies: 'Oops!' ********************************* Beer Theories Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." Babe Ruth ***** "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." Lyndon B. Johnson ***** "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." Paul Horning ***** "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." H. L. Mencken ***** "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" George Bernard Shaw ***** "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin ***** "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." Dave Barry ***** BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.! W. C. Fields ***** Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser. Professor Irwin Corey ***** To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! Leo Durocher ***** One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson: "Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this.. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers. Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1373285	2014-04-22 01:37:00	:D :thumbs:	R2x1 (4628)
1373286	2014-04-22 03:34:00	Great laughs.	Bobh (5192)
1373287	2014-04-22 11:12:00	A gushy reporter interviewing Lydia Ko asked, "You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?" Lydia replied, "The holes are numbered."	tutaenui (1724)
1