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Thread ID: 150939	2022-10-12 02:30:00	Joke of the day	kenj (9738)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1488846	2022-11-21 23:17:00	Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, " Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come"...? Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat"... The priest said, " Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind"...? Murphy replied, " Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all"..... With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh"...? Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat".....	Neil F (14248)
1488847	2022-11-21 23:25:00	My 3-year-old daughter asked, "Where does poo come from?" To make it simple I said "you just had breakfast, right?" Yes, she replied. Well, the food in your mouth goes down in your tummy. Our body takes what is good out of the food and them what is left goes down into your bottom and then when you go to the toilet it comes out as poo She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few second's Then she asked "And Tigger?"	Neil F (14248)
1488848	2022-11-21 23:29:00	A Queen's Tale He was on Guard of Honour on Horseguards Parade, London, waiting for the King of Saudi Arabia,. Right flank; Scots Guard (100 guardsmen) a gap, HM Queen, mounted in uniform, and CO, Colonel Gerald, a gap, then, left flank, the Queen’s Company Grenadier Guards (100 guardsmen). All stood at ease waiting. Colonel Gerald’s charger erupted with horse farts, full volume for two minutes. “Sorry about that your Majesty!” Colonel Gerald says. “That’s all right Colonel Gerald,” replied the Queen, in a wonderful voice, “I thought it was your horse!” 200 guardsmen silently cried with laughter, and tapped their rifle butts on the gravel.	Neil F (14248)
1488849	2022-11-22 20:13:00	11452	B.M. (505)
1488850	2022-11-24 17:51:00	President Putin is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hello, Mr. Putin!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Cork, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Putin replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Seán, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Putin paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1,000,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorrah!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Putin, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Putin asks. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Putin sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 60,000 tanks and 50,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 1,500,000 since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Putin, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!" Putin was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1000 bombers and 2000 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 2,000,000!" "May the road rise up to meet you!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Good mornin', Mr. Putin! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war." "Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Putin. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no way we can feed 2,000,000 prisoners." Ken :):)	kenj (9738)
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